Divided By Three

This isn't a post about the law of three or any such Wiccan or Pagan tenant.  This is personal and quite frankly it's taken me well over a month to post this, because I had to muster the strength to do so.

It is my family that is divided.  At the very moment that I type this, my son is at his father's house from Monday to Friday.  Shadow is in a men's shelter in Manhattan and I and our daughter are in an apartment in NJ where my parents are taking care of us till we get "back on our feet".

It's heartbreaking.  I had to get this out tonight because Shadow and I were nearly in tears as we separated and tried to say goodbye to our daughter who cried "no dada, come home".

Home is always where your family is.  It's not a physical location, it's the act of being together no matter where you are.  I want people to understand that.  Many pagans don't feel at home with their families because they just don't understand their spiritual beliefs.  I can't in good conscience call that a home.  To some people, school is a home.  It was to me for four years of highschool because I had my friends who truly loved me and cared for me.

When we grow up with such discordance, we vow to make our own homes, our own families, that will be loving and caring and way better than what we suffered through living with "them".

I did exactly that.  I was lucky to make a good home with my sister and my son while he was little.  Then Shadow became more than a friend and we made another home and added our daughter to really complete our family.

If you've read about our other adventures in Wiccan adulthood, then you know we have not been blessed in the health department the past two years and that's yet another reason why this is so difficult.

We've been through sickness and not much health, but it's each other that we lean on.  Our faith in the God and Goddess that we turn to.  My parents don't understand that.  They also don't understand the true extent of our respective illnesses and disabilities.

We're stuck in a very difficult place right now.  We both need to get better.  That's number one.  Second is taking care of our children.  Third is making the most of our time together because we only see each other once a week and even then, sometimes it's not all of us.

Since my son is older, I needn't worry about him too much.  I believe I have spoken about his ability to astral project before.  He often tells me how he visits me at night to check up on me.  One time, he even came into a dream, where I said, you're not supposed to be back yet, to which he replied, I know mommy, and drifted off giggling.  That's my son for you.  He's a bit of a trickster and we all love him so much.

Anyway, there were signs to today that things are looking up.  While getting off the train at Union Square, we happened upon a hematite bracelet, which we gave to our daughter to wear.  She is the link in our chain that keeps us bonded forever.  We prayed for this baby, we asked the Goddess to protect this baby, she is her father's whole world, just as my son is mine.  The other thing that happened was we saw Angel at his usual corner.  He is the gentleman and spiritual healer we purchase our crystals from.  He has often been in trouble with the police (for allegedly selling religious items which is against the law), so seeing him with his table full of crystals was a great and welcoming sign.

So that's where Shadow and I stand.  Separated by distance.

Blessed Be!
🌛🌝🌜