Seriously, I’m Fine

Mask I hand made because my mommy said her sister said I should wear one.

I’m good, but are you?

I understand people’s intentions, check up on the disabled widowed mother, make sure she’s ok.  The fact of the matter is, I’m good.  Like real good.

I’ve been to hell at back remember?  This is just a walk in the park for me.  I was bed ridden for months on and off, hospitalized for ten days, given rounds of medications that could have killed me.  All that at the same time that Shadow fell 30 feet, had surgery and still had to take care of a new born.  We then became homeless and had to be separated from my son for six months.  Then, when they finally find meds that work, when Shadow finally comes back from California, when we finally try and rebuild our family and everything we lost, he is found dead at his friends house all because he didn’t use his C-Pap machine (he had other health issues as well).

Grief is a bitch, so I’m not sorry if I sound cynical.  The difference this time is, is that everyone else is in turmoil and it’s NOT me and my babies.

I am thankful, I am blessed, I know for a fact Shadow is looking out for us from whatever astral plane or dimension he’s in.  I light a candle every day at our altar thanking whatever God or Goddess is listening.  I have always had faith in my beliefs, but more importantly I have faith in myself.

Perhaps I am detached, Shadow would have joked, calling me delusional and want to move us to a bunker.

What I do know is, is that I have perspective, which most people don’t.  Most people don’t know what it’s like not being able to walk, or care for yourself and your children.  Most people don’t know what it’s like to live in a homeless shelter.  They’re used to working, having schools take care of their children and a roof over their heads.  Most people don’t know how to function when the shit hits the fan.  I had to learn the hard way.

So, yes I’m alright, I’m good, I’m gonna get through this.  I learned how to exist stuck inside.  I have my hobbies.  I still have to cook three meals a day and clean and make sure my kids do their assignments.

For me, this is one more notch in my belt.  Been there, done that, what’s next?

Blessed Be!

🌛🌝🌜