The Case for Lizard People

 

Yes, you read that title correctly.  It's time for me to spread some street smarts among the masses.

I'm sure everyone knows what I'm talking about.  That Justin Beaver, all US politicians and many other well known people are lizard people.  Laugh.  Please do, let it all out.  Because the truth is less startling, and more the fact that it involves Peruvian marching powder.

Don't know what that is naive reader?

It's nose candy.  The type you line up with a razor blade on a plastic CD case and snort with a rolled up dollar bill.

Cocaine.

Do you get where I am going with this?

There are countless videos online depicting people on camera blinking rapidly, licking their lips, unable to stand still while someone else is talking.  All signs that they took a big fucking hit back stage.

The problem is of course, that cocaine these days is very pure.  Where as in the 70's when it was included on the budget for many a Hollywood film, it was less pure.  Most people can't tell that the cast of Starwars and Blues Brothers were high off their asses.  But they were, and they still got movies made, I'm looking at you and your coke nail Ms. Fisher!

These days, the cocaine addict is easy to spot on camera.  Those lizard person characteristics are all cocaine high characteristics.  So, see if you can spot it next time a governor is at a press conference, it's typically the person behind them or next to them that probably took a bit too much right before taking the podium.

They're blinking erratically, unable to keep from moving their head, licking their lips, maybe even darting their tongue like a snake would.  Their pupils could be dilated as well.  There was one video I saw of a man trying to drink from a water bottle while his tongue was darting.  All very fun to watch when they're labeled "Watch as lizard tries to drink water", but all equally sad when you realize where your hard earned tax money is going.

So, now you know.  The knowledge is spread thanks to my years as a former musician and meeting way too many people who couldn't perform without coke or Adderall.

You're welcome.

😈