The Ubiquity of Wine Moms

I've wanted to rant about this for a long time and sorry, this is going to be a rant because I'm so tired of these dumb ass alcoholic bitches.

I live in a rich white people neighborhood now, I've never lived in a neighborhood like this in my life, but I have had experience dealing with this type of mom before when I worked at NJPAC and everyone and their mother lived in Upper Montclair, because god forbid they lived in the 42 zip code instead of the 43.  

This is the type of mom who just can't with her kids.  She has anxiety, may or may not take xanies, which were actually obtained legally from the pharmacy, she has a husband who works extremely long hours, and she raves about attending Grace Church in Hoboken every Sunday!

There is more, but the most important attribute is the drinking.  She will joke about needing a bottle of wine to help with homework, when deciding what restaurant to go to, it isn't about the food, but who has the best drinks, for example, a Mexican place here ironically called Margaritas.  They serve microwaved rice, the food is gross, I've had it a total of three times when Shadow was still alive.  Yeah, they make guacamole fresh at your table, it has sweeping views of Manhattan, but I don't play that shit when food is terrible.  I am not a salad girl, I'm a medium rare steak type of broad, and places that brag about their drinks have disgusting food, point blank.

Now wait, there's more.  Last year's gift basket for the preschool teacher was a wine basket.  They had the fucking nerve to ask for donations.  I'm sorry, but how fucking inappropriate is that?  Alcohol as a present has no place any where near school.  Bitches around here, they don't see it like that, cause that's what having money does.  Alcohol isn't seen as a problem here, large sums of money is wasted on it, it is discussed, it is purchased in bulk from Costco, and lamented that Trader Joe's doesn't sell it in their Hoboken location.  Liquor stores aren't called "liquor stores" around here, they sell Wine and Spirits, a different tax bracket makes this all ok.

On January 1st at 10 am, I met up with some moms to go to the park with our kids.  These mothers were joking about being hung over, and needing a little nip in the morning to take the edge off.  Wine is mommy's special drink.  I was asked what I was drinking in my Keep Cup.  I replied Irish breakfast tea with honey.  They giggled, in that way and asked if that was all. I looked them dead in the eye, adjusted my bright purple cane and said yes.

It's not cute and it's not funny.  

I'm not saying you can't drink, that you can't have fun, my problem is, you keep calling yourself this church going Christian and yet you keep drinking everyday in front of your kids because as you've joked about, you can't take care of your own flesh and blood sober.  Let me tell you something about children.  They hear and a aware of everything, you think that they don't, but they do.  Trust me.  I heard a lot of shit I wasn't supposed to as a child, where my parents were whispering behind closed doors late and night, or they thought I was watching TV, or too busy swinging on the swings.  

So your kids see you pouring from that bottle, maybe they've asked about it, maybe they tried to taste some.  Maybe you're not a wine mom and you're like Helga's mom in Hey Arnold, with your 400 dollar Vitamix making special smoothies for mommy.  Either way, you're an alcoholic plain and simple.

I spoke to one mom who was talking about going a couple days here and there not drinking so late at night.  She said it was ok to have another glass of wine every day after dinner.  She drinks literally every day and doesn't see a problem with it.  But I guess that doesn't matter when you can afford good doctors.

Money makes it ok for a well to do woman to drink wine every day, but not for a poor man to drink beer everyday.  They'll both wind up with cirrhosis eventually, but one has the money to pay for doctors, while the other is going to die young.

This is what I think about now that I've experienced dirt poor living versus money is no object living.  I have not met a mom who like me doesn't drink.  I am the youngest mother in the group as well.  I don't think it's a generational issue.  I believe it is strictly a socioeconomic one, and obviously I can't address it.  I can't say hey, I noticed you guys drink everyday, how do you feel about that?  These are women who brag about getting their kids to eat quinoa and avocado, but why isn't an entire bottle of wine viewed as a health risk the same as the golden arches is?

Perhaps one day I'll blow up on them.  Or maybe, next time they ask me about wine, I'll give a convoluted answer about how Wiccan's can't emulate Christians with their fermented grape juice and instead must only drink water because it hasn't been altered and thus remains closest in purity to the Goddess.  Either way, I love my kids and don't ever intend on rotting my liver.

Cheers!