When Magick Doesn’t Work

My period started yesterday.  This afternoon however, was hard core.  My day began fine, but then the pain hit, I tried everything. Stretches, red raspberry leaf tea, essential oils and finally extra strength Advil liquigels.  They didn’t make a dent in the pain. 

The cat sat and kneaded my belly, that helped a bit, but the pain was just too intense.  The kind of pain that I have been experiencing since I was 11 years old.  Cramps so severe the pain travels like lightening bolts down my legs leaving a tingling sensation in my toes.  All nerves.  The thing about this pain is, it’s exactly like labor, only I didn’t know it was like labor until I had my son.  Except in that instance the need to push actually does something.  This afternoon the inexplicable feeling of wanting to push results in no relief whatsoever because there is nothing to push out.  I haven’t had fibroids all my life, so I know that’s not the cause, it’s simply my uterus being a jerk.

Anyway.

I lit incense on my altar, I tried to do other things so I could ignore the pain, I read a Celtic cross tarot spread of all things.  Writing the results into that workbook I started the other day with pain contorted handwriting I’m sure even I can’t decipher later on.  I couldn’t concentrate to knit.  I watched random episodes of Ancient Aliens while curled in a ball on the couch.  I did my leg exercises while on the couch, absolutely nothing would come of it.

Now I am in bed.  The second dose Advil is working a tad bit (remember Advil can literally kill your internal organs so follow the exact directions!). I managed to brush my teeth at least and I did get a delicious dinner cooked.  Pork chunks (you read that right, I cubed the pork roast) with mushrooms over mashed potatoes.  That Georgian seasoning is divine.

The point of all this, is that sometimes, no matter how fine tuned a person’s spiritual practice is, the human body doesn’t always cooperate.  The pain can also render you completely incapable of having rational thoughts, thus limiting your ability to give something else a try.  For example, I wear a moon stone every day.  One that was specifically charged for events like this.  Still, the pain lashed on, I didn’t want to even think of something else I could have done.

So, what could I do differently?  Should I try different herbs?  I have been using the red raspberry leaf since I was 21 and pregnant with my son.  That’s almost 15 years ago.  Is it time to look up some other herbs?  My body is aging, my uterus is aging, but I am not yet 40, so I have at least a decade before menopause.  Bodies change.  What used to work, maybe doesn’t anymore.  How many eggs could I possibly have left anyway?  I was supposed to be sterile from all those deadly medications I took as a teenager.  Obviously, I’m not, but I can’t keep feeling like this every 28 days.  I have shit to do and I’m literally the only one to do it.

Perhaps a more in-depth working is called for.  I have embraced my cycle, I am a mother Goddess!  It’s time to start reading about this stage in my life.  The stage of an older mother in transition to pre menopause. What work can I do now to support the health of the final decade of my cycle?  Should I do a monthly ritual prior to each moon time to release the pain that electrocutes my torso?

It’s time to work it out. I went years without feeling this bad, so why now?  Moon time will be a sacred time once more.

I will feel stronger in the morn.

Blessed Be!

🩸