Five Years On

My Dearest Shadow,

Today is five years.  Five years since we first fell in love. Five years, since that fateful day at The Met.  To this day, no matter how many times we try, we can never find that Egyptian statue where energy surged and the desire to be in your arms over took every fiber of my being with the unbridled need to kiss you.

Five years later, and I still feel that spark, that electrical charge when I'm near you.  Five years, and I love you ever more.

We've been through hell and back together, I could have lost you when you fell.  I'm so glad I didn't.  We've been through more sickness than health and more poor than wealth, but through thick and thin, I've always had you.

You're the first person not to truly care about my illness, to take my invisible disability seriously, and still love me for the person I am.

I know things haven't been easy, and I am often disheartened, but it's you who has always told me that everything would be ok in the end.  And I believe you, even though I don't show it.

It's taken me so long to get used to our new normal.  When I wrote you those notes for court about all the things we were able to do as a couple, I cried.  I miss taking walks with you, having picnics in the park and trying to sneak artisanal beer into the water bottle.  I miss how we used to be, able to walk up the mile long path to The Cloisters, or having the stamina to galavant across the city at midnight, relishing in it's nocturnal virility.  Seeming to thrive on and be fueled by its effervescence.

Now, things are slow, languishing almost.  Days spent inside, watching various documentaries, or discovering new shows.  You'd cook the most amazing breakfasts for us, and I always made the Nescafe in matching 8oz cups.

Our new normal is also the small human we made together and prayed together for.  I couldn't have asked for a better father for our daughter.  I know that she's the most important person in your life and I love watching you dote on her, amazed at how fast she grows and learns, finally able to say "I love you" to her daddy.

It's been one rocky road my dear, but I would never turn around to take the paved one.  This road is our road, and we laid it brick by brick.  I used to tease you and say that everyday I grew more fond of you.  Such an odd thing to say in the 21st century, but I stand by my choice of words.  I do grow more fond of your each day, I love you, forever and always.

Spiral