The Distance Between Us

I was an emotional wreck on Valentine's Day night.  I'm allowed to be, it was the last day of my period.  I knew this was coming, I had already spoken to my mother in law about it, but hearing it from him absolutely broke me. 😢

Shadow is home in California.

No, we're not broken up.

You thought that, didn't you?  I enjoy being dramatic.😈

He just needs to be with his mama right now just like all boys sometimes do.  He hasn't seen his family in six years and that's a very long time.  His mom has come to us twice, both times around Ana's birthday.

She's going to take care of him, just like my parents have to now take care of me.  It sucks being a disabled adult.  We don't know how long he's going to be there for, that's up to him.  He needs to focus on getting healthy, just like I do.  At least he has access to healthier food and legal marijuana out there.  He no longer needs any other meds besides weed, sure wish I could get some.

We FaceTime'd earlier, he got there safely, not a great flight, but air travel isn't the same anymore.  His mama is putting him on a vegan diet, so he'll be able to lose weight and get better faster.

We both need time for ourselves.  We tried for almost three years to take care of each other while both being sick, and you know what, it's difficult.  The reality is, we needed a nurse or a maid, someone to help with day to day tasks, but the state wasn't going to pay for that, nor could we afford it by ourselves.

I don't know how I'm going to be next year or the year after.  I've been up and down but mostly down since Ana was born, at one point they thought I was going to die from septic arthritis, five weeks after giving birth, still bleeding, milk production not even regulated yet.  I of course knew I wasn't going to die.  I think that's just something you inherently know, you know when you need to say goodbye.  I never had that feeling.

Shadow always promised me everything would get better, and I know it will.  I'm a natural pessimist and he reeks of optimism.

The day will come when we can all be together as a family again, and take care of ourselves.

I want to thank everyone for their virtual support and hugs, especially those of you in the Google+ Wicca community.  You guys are awesome!💞

Blessed Be!
🌛🌝🌜