Sold Out!

A rant about Pokémon cards, two things I’m good at!

Even during the height of the Pokémon craze, I was always able to purchase cards.  It was never an issue.  I got them from Walmart, K Mart, Target, Toys R Us, GameStop and at one point Sears (they had some good stuff back in the day).

These days I stick to ordering online, it’s easier, it’s generally cheaper once I factor in free shipping versus me paying for us all to take the trolley or bus, and I’m not at the mercy of the individual store’s stock, like Walmart who will have sets from 6 years ago, but not the latest theme decks.

These days I predominately play online, now that I have an iPad capable of running the TCG app.  I’m by no means an expert player, yes I’ve been playing the game since Wizards of the Coast back in 1999, but I’ve never done tournaments or even built my own deck.  I’m lazy and I above all else like to have fun so it’s always been the theme decks for me.

Lately however, I can’t find cards any where.  They are all sold out, both in store and online.  It’s not cool.  Now, I heard through the grape vine that an official statement was released that due to covid they weren’t able to ship as many or manufacture as many and hope to be printing more soon.

I remember during the summer Costco had three different sets all way less than the price at Walmart, so of course I purchased all three and said one was for me and the other two for my children.  You gotta be slick with these things.  

Allegedly there are now scalpers who I guess have grown tired of trying to get Xbox’s and PS5’s (Xbox needs to get with the program with their names, I still don’t remember which one we’re in possession of) and are now scalping Pokémon cards.  I’ve noticed there have been an influx of young kids, younger than Dino for sure with their pre pubescent voices, opening hundreds of packs.  What do they do with them?  I don’t know.  They give away the online codes, but only to subscribers (I guess they’re trying to make money off their channels?) and I’m fucking 36 years old I don’t have time to be watching some 10 year old say damn every time he pulls a somewhat good card.  I don’t care, I only want two things.  Codes to play online and cards to play and collect.  That’s it.

Now, apparently I can’t find neither.  25 years later and all of a sudden y’all want to begin buying Pokémon cards?  

Fuck you.  

Stick to Yugioh or Magic.  Don’t buy all the cards for your lame ass unboxing video.  I actually play, I actually keep my cards neatly in binders.  So fuck you if you’re trying to make some cash, especially if you’re a scalper.  Buy GameStop stock instead, people with that have been able to buy houses and cars.  You can’t buy shit with Pokémon cards, I should know, I had the original sets and am I a millionaire sucking millionaire dick?  Obviously not.

Pokémon is my hobby, it brings me joy.  Hobbies should never be monetized.  It’s why I don’t sell my knitting, never published my poems, or short stories.  It’s why I teach witchcraft online for free.  Getting money from my hobbies and passions makes them lose their value.

But, these are fucking kids whose parents obviously have money to buy them their cards.  They just wanna have channels with millions of subscribers.

All I want is my cards to be in stock at Target.  I already can’t go to the store and sip my iced cold brew with sweet cream (no sugar), while I do what all moms do, which is listen to Target because Target tells us what to buy, and not the other way around.  Fuck covid too for ruining that.  But now pizza ass faced kids (yes I went there, no shame) and grown ass men with a few extra dollars, gotta ruin my card buying experience too?

Fuck you, seriously.  Fuck you, your mom, your autistic sister who slams her head into the desk at school. Fuck your dad who’s cheating on your mom with a bitch who’s only a few years older than you, and fuck your YouTube channel.  Fuck you especially if you’re a grown ass man who used to shit on other kids for even liking Pokémon in the first place!

In a few days they will release special edition vintage reprints in giant format.  If I can’t get my hands on them, I swear, I’m gonna get all my buddies together and report those channels.  OR, I’m going to do what I do best.  Write a really outstanding comment where at first glance it might sound like I’m being polite, but I’m really dragging your bitch ass through the mud.

And now to quote Eminem:

Fuck you with the freest of speech this divided states of Embarrassment will allow me to have.  Fuck you!