These Damn Dreams

No, the naked lady on the lion does not mean what you think it does.

I'm been plagued by dreams of Shadow lately.  Not fun.  I wake up sad, and then the rational side of me, well not too rational mind you, wonders what the heck is the dream trying to tell me.  Does he have a message for me?

Often the dreams are normal depictions of life, except they happen somewhere else.

Last night's dreams took place in the homeless shelter but it wasn't the one we had been in.  It was more like an old school building with the metal stairs.  Shadow was in the shower, and I was getting ready to help him wash his back as I always had, when he began telling me that they had found us a new permanent place but that we had to keep paying rent at the place we are currently in in NJ.  Weird right?  Like if we had money to spend on the Jersey apartment why would I be in the shelter and trying to get placed in a low cost housing unit in NYC?

The rest of the dream was me packing up our shelter apartment which was crowded with things, like way more things than are even allowed at the shelter to begin with, things that I don't even have in real life.

When I have a dream about Shadow, he looks good.  His regular old self.  He's happy, and not exhausted and sickly looking like the last week or so of his life where he looked so ill.  I'm glad that I don't dream about his dying, or worse finding his body, the life already gone from him.  I'm so thankful I was spared that.  With his sleep apnea so severe, he could have gone at any time.  My brain chooses to see him how I want to remember him.  Strong, full of life and always having a blast.

But still, what do these dreams mean?  Sometimes if I am particularly startled or left scratching my head by one, I sit down and pull some tarot cards.  I have a very reliable three card dream interpretation spread. It hasn't failed me, until this dream.  I'm still left scratching my head on this one.

The cards I pulled are in the picture above.  The spread is from the Labyrinthos app.  It doesn't help that the entire deck features bearded men in the court cards.

This particular spread I pulled on the app itself, as I often do because I need to have the question answered while the dream is still fresh in my mind as I'm still lying flabbergasted in bed. 

The first card is the bottom left which is: Origin; What feelings did this dream stem from?  What was the underlying emotion behind it?

Lust is not a card you want to pull when dreaming of your deceased husband.  But this card is known as Strength in other decks, and that's always more of how I've interpreted it.  I'm a strong woman, but I hope that if I ever have to move again that I'm not packing by myself as I did in the dream.

The next card is bottom right: Message; What is the dream trying to tell me?  

What indeed? The 3 of wands: Virtue. Who do I need to be honest to?  Myself?  Who do I need to be more open to?  I'm a very open book, probably more so than most people are comfortable with.  Does 'x' mark the spot with the wands?  

The final card is on top and it represents: Waking Life; How can I apply this dream's lessons to my waking life?

This is the Knight of Swords, and though it looks like Shadow with his long hair and beard, it is not a card that describes him at all.  This card speaks of science, intellect, logic and theory. Am I not using my logic well enough while I'm awake?  Does this have something to do with the lessons I'm teaching on the discord server, or should I be studying more myself as my students do?

See, I can't make heads of tails of this dream or this reading.  I'm stumped.

Maybe it's just my subconscious trying to piece together parts of life that could have transpired but didn't.  Maybe if I hadn't gone to Florida while Shadow stayed in NYC, we could have gotten a permanent low cost place like the couple next door to us did.  But I don't like to think about that.  I like where I am now.  I'm familiar with this area, Shadow loved living here when we were dating before we lived together.

This was definitely one of those dreams that I was forced to dwell on all day.  So let's see what I dream about tonight.  Whatever it is, I hope I get a more accurate reading.  I'll use an actual deck, but not the bearded dude one.

Blessed Be!

🌛🌝🌜