Thursday, May 17, 2018
I recently asked the Google+ communities about what I should write about next. I got some great suggestions and promise to try and get to them all, but one struck me the most. My day to day life as a Wiccan. What does that look like? Do I wake up, drink black coffee, don a pointy hat and start stirring the cauldron?
I'm all for witch aesthetic, but I don't live in NYC and that shit ain't gonna fly in Newark, yet.
I'm also disabled, so much of my day is spent trying not to be in pain.
So here is a typical day for me, more or less, and how I incorporate my religious beliefs into my daily life.
When I wake up (my three year old wakes me, no need for an alarm), my joints are very stiff, so I spend a few minutes "unstiffening" myself as I like to say. This entails some leg lifts and stretches all while still lying on my bed. What I would prefer to be doing is sun salutations, but right now my joints don't move like that.
Next is breakfast. Depending on what meds I take, I may be ravenous or I may not be hungry at all. So usually I have brunch around 10:30 or 11 after feeding Ana her first breakfast (she eats again with me), it is always some iteration of eggs. My parents do my shopping for me and always buy me either organic or cage free eggs. I either make an omelette with an organic kale spinach mix and tomatoes or a scramble with sausage or bacon and the kale on the side. I must have tons of garlic in my kale. Depending on the weather, I either have hot tea or iced coffee. I drink Trader Joe's Irish breakfast tea, it's dead strong, for coffee I'm a Euro snob and only drink Classic Nescafé. One day, Shadow will buy me a Nespresso machine.
Being Wiccan, and diseased, I care about what I put in my body. Most of what I eat is organic. I also try and stick to a gluten free diet and limit my carbs and sugar, I also don't consume alcohol and haven't for years. The key to sugar intake is, if a banana tastes too sweet when it has no spots, then you have reached optimal sugar detox. I eat most of my fruit underripe because of this. I achieved this level of unsweetenedness about 12 or 13 years ago after going to a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner.
After cleaning up, I then clean myself. This is where more of a ritual comes into play. I buy many of my products from Lush, Whole Foods and Trader Joe's. My one must have product that I've been using since I was a teenage is a rose water toner I get for ten bucks. Apparently everyone caught on and it goes quickly at the Whole Foods in Montclair. Having psoriasis, I tend to purchase products that are all natural and anti inflammatory, so I get a lot of rose stuff.
In the shower, I practice this meditation that I have written about before and I always recommend to people. It simply works. Stand under the water and imagine all the negative energy leaving your body as a black sludge and going down the drain. That's it. Water cleanses and cleans.
After that I basically do whatever I want or the reality is, whatever I feel up to if I don't need to go somewhere. Usually I knit and watch shows or movies on Amazon, while Ana plays with her toys. I prefer British programming, I always have. Currently I'm watching the Inspector Lewis series.
Now, knitting is strongly related to my Wiccan beliefs. Knot Magick can be said over stitches, colors of yarn for various intents, even the intent of the garment can all be chosen with great care and magickal purpose. I just finished a shawl and my next project is a huge light sage tree of life blanket. I chose green as a color for prosperity, and the tree of life pattern because of Shadow's affinity for it. My hope is that one day (still don't know when) it will be the blanket to drape across our couch in our new home when our family is together again.
Besides taking care of my daughter which doesn't involve much really at this age, I don't do much. I clean up her messes, make the beds, vacuum the carpet and keep the oil diffuser filled with citrus during the day and lavender at night. I check my new lavender plant (I have a black thumb unlike Shadow) and I make sure my crystals get some sun everyday.
My mom usually cooks dinner since my dad is very particular. I cook the Greek food, she cooks the Italian, for the most part, but only a few dishes for him, cause again he's a picky freaking toddler. I seriously miss cooking for Shadow. We cooked together and we always agreed that we could never have too much garlic. We switched to Himalayan salt about five years ago, that and lemons are must haves in our kitchen.
Now that I'm writing this, I'm thinking, I don't do a dedication or offering of food when I cook. During a ritual, yes we do, but everyday, no. If that's something you would like to do, go for it. Thank the Gods for your cereal and coffee. Maybe I need to do this more often.
Now, I want to get one thing straight here, and really I could probably write a whole rant. You don't need to be vegan to be Wiccan. I'm a proud and unapologetic meat eater. In practice, I could cut out land animals and go all fish, but our budget doesn't allow that right now. We are Greek and eat tons of shrimp, sardines, sword fish, tuna, salmon and squid. Just last week we had lobster. Ok, maybe it's in the budget, but that's my dad's budget, not mine. The bottom line is, to quote Andrew Zimmern: "if it looks good, eat it".
The rest of the evening is spent relaxing. We FaceTime Shadow (three hour difference from Cali), I do some more knitting or read. I read every day, and it's not just books on Wicca or witchcraft. Currently I'm reading Anna Karenina since I didn't get to read it last summer when I got it for book club. Just because you're Wiccan doesn't mean you're tied down to that subject. I've seen too many people do this. Read something you enjoy, the reality is, that once you've read one book on Wicca you've read them all. People have variations but, it's all the same.
The evening is also when I tend to write. I jot things down in my journal and make sure important dates are written on my calendar. I keep everything in one Moleskine notebook. My calendar, my dreams, my tarot readings, notes, spells, journal entries, and Professor Dumbledore's favorite: knitting patterns.
The last thing I do after putting Ana to sleep is read. It calms the mind, and I'm also not focused on a screen.
And that's that.
My life right now is pretty mundane, but I don't need to do anything eloborate. I can do little things all day that are meaningful to me. Do what is right for you. You don't need to construct a museum of artifacts around your home and make everything you do reek of Wicca.
Thoughts? Anger at my steak eating?
Thursday, May 10, 2018
A fellow Wiccan requested that I write about the Tarot, so here goes.
I've actually always been drawn to the cards, I first began dabbling in tarot back in 1998 when I was in 8th grade. We knew a girl whose mother owned a Botanica which was right across from school so she'd bring out the deck during recess and we'd read cards to each other. Usually yes or no readings. A few years later with some money I earned writing other people's papers (no lie, I made bank that year and didn't get introuble either) I was able to buy my first deck from the Pyramid Collection Catalogue. It was the Rider Waite deck in a special box, the fascimilied edition with The Pictorial Key to the Tarot. It was a very nice boxed set. Here it is below, I don't actually own this one anymore, because my sister some how got a hold of it and lost a few of the cards. 😤
Over the years I've owned a few decks, I've tried the Thoth deck, and the Deviant Moon. I also used to own the Enchanted Tarot. Mini decks seem to call to me as well, so I own one in a neat little box. I like those little boxed set of things they sell at Barnes and Noble, they're quite fun.
How did I learn the Tarot? I still feel like I haven't. I've read some books, and I've read the cards. On my old Live Journal I used to read a daily card at the end of each entry. I did the same in my physical journal. In fact, it's one of the recommended ways to learn to read. Just dive right in!
Honestly, for me, it's the absolute best way to learn. Just get a deck, or look at the pictures online and see what feelings and thoughts they bring out in you. You can't always regurgitate the meanings in a book because they're someone else's interpretations. You can and should make your own. Maybe the color red means anger to you and not love, that personal significance can certainly skew a reading.
When you're ready to buy a deck, I do recommend the Rider Waite Smith, it's the easiest for me, but also chock full of imagery, which some decks aren't. However, if it doesn't speak to you, then forget about it. Find one that does. And if the one you buy doesn't, that's ok too. I REALLY like the pictures and style of the Thoth deck, but I can't read it. It's very difficult for me. So I sometimes took them out just to look, but I don't use them. Right now all my other decks are in storage so all I have is my commemorative edition of the Rider Waite Smith (that's actually titled "Smith-Waite", which is a fabulous facsimile edition. If you do like this deck, do get one of those facsimile editions, the coloring is more muted and easier on the eyes, and I'm hoping more true to the original colors of the time period.
A few months ago while scrolling through Amazon Prime for something to watch, I came across an excellent documentary about the Tarot. It highlighted a reader who only reads the Marsielle deck and whose interpretations are unique. There are some short clips on YouTube if you don't have access to Prime Video. Please try and watch this film, if you have any doubts about reading, it will really open yours eyes and give you more confidence with this man's approach.
Remember to not take divination of any type too seriously. Have fun with whatever deck or medium you choose.
Would you guys like to see me interpret a card at the end of each blog post?
I post the picture of the card, then my personal meanings, followed by the meanings in the book. Then you can compare the two and perhaps see how my thought process works. I will give an example below:
The Two of Wands:
What I think: This is a person who's trying to figure out what to do next. It looks like he's already accomplished quite a bit, he's dressed well, and is looking out to see from the top of a balcony at a castle maybe. Perhaps he's planning his next adventure, hence the globe.
What the book says: No marriage possible, riches, fortune, magnificence. Physical suffering, disease, chagrin, sadness, mortification.
See? My interpretation is nothing like what Waite suggests.
If you want me to do more, let me know.
Tuesday, April 24, 2018
A good online friend mentioned the origin of my name, and although I've posted it a few times, I don't think I've ever done a complete blog post about it.
Spiral Breeze is a great name. I made it up many many years ago. I was probably 14 or 15. It fits into the Wicca community perfectly, but it also works for the Pokémon community as well since it sounds like a possible attack, and, it just so happens that as a former flute player, that the way air travels through a flute is in a spiral down the shaft.
Spiral Breeze sounds awesome and it also happens to kill three birds with one stone, and that's just fine with me.
I've actually thought to use it professionally if I ever did decide to publish anything. We'll see. I simply must get better first. Until then, I keep my writing chops fine tuned one here. Kinda anyway.
There you have it. Nothing really profound or special, just some teenage finangling to find a good screename that fits multiple accounts.
Friday, April 20, 2018
Greetings on this, the holiest day for those devotees known as The Stoners. For it is They who light the green dank herb and speak truths unto men.
Blessed Be They, and their greenest of crops.
I don't smoke. Never have. I can't even be too close to a BBQ. But I have a severe disease and would benefit from CBD oil. Sadly, it's expensive and I can't afford it.
There are so many stories of it working for people with arthritis and other auto immune diseases. I need something that works, because nothing else really does, but again, I don't have the money to pay for it.
It's unreasonable how expensive it is.
So, even though I don't smoke, I still sign petitions, I still try and keep up with news and forward articles to people. If you do smoke, sign the petitions. Please, I know most of you guys are out there doing it for fun, but there are some very sick people who need a natural alternative to the usual drugs they pump us with. We need prices lowered or items subsidized for our health just like medicaid pays for all those dangerous pharmacuticals.
I hope everyone had a great day and continues to have a wonderful enlightening night feeling good.
These are my feelings on marijuana whether you use it for fun or to stop the pain. It needs to be available to everyone at a low price and no one should ever go to jail for using it or having it on their person.
Happy 420 to everyone!!
Sunday, April 1, 2018
Some pretty weird things have been going on lately, mostly to Shadow but I've had some bizarre phone calls too.
So, as many of you know, Shadow fell off of the scaffolding he was erecting almost four years ago, actually just after we concieved Ana. I've never discussed any of the legal aspects because for one thing, I don't really know them and second, they're not mine to discuss. Shadow and I are not married. It's nobodies damned business but his.
Anyway, starting in September, I began receiving phone calls from Empire Blue Cross Blue Shield about our Medicare case in NYC, but they'd always ask about Shadow's health stuff, not mine or Ana's (Dino wasn't on our policy). I didn't tell the gentleman on the phone anything. He was obviously Jamaican. He called three times. All I said was, "you need to speak with Shadow about this, his number should be on file too, here it is in case it isn't". Mind you, both our numbers were always on everything.
Periodically I'd recieve a phone call about Shadow and still give them his number and tell them to call. They'd always say they were from Blue Cross. I just got two calls last week, two different people and I said the same thing. His number should be on file, call him, here it is again. The second person said, no one made a note of it, so I gave it again.
Now, yesterday Shadow tells me that he recieved a very strange phone call saying that they were from the post office and couldn't deliver a check. The woman on the phone read off both addresses in NYC from the shelter we were in together as a family and the men's shelter he was in by himself. She explained that the check had gone first to Queens, then to Manhattan, and finally they were trying to deliver it to him in Cali.
First of all, the post office doesn't call people. Second of all they shouldn't know it's a check and third of all they said there was a driver outside his mom's house and there wasn't.
There is no check. One was never issued from anything regarding his case.
Here is another scary occurrence: There was a helicopter hovering over his mom's property.
Shadow was able to trace the phone number that called him after confirming with the post office that they never called, would never call and there was nothing for him with them. The number is from Florida. He was even able to get the address it's registered to, if that info is correct with the way people change numbers nowadays.
Who knows? They're probably reading this right now, just like my ex boyfriends and all those other people that like to stalk me.
What's going on?
We have our suspicions.
It's known that when someone applies for disability or has a lawsuit that they do send out private investigators to capture surveillance on people who are trying to scam the insurance companies. For example, catching someone lifting heavy groceries out of their car when they claim they can't carry things due to pain. Or capturing video of a person jogging when they claim that they need a walker to get around. So, this could be one of those investigators. OK, fine dude, that your job, just don't scare people.
There is no doubt that Shadow is doing better, but on my good days, he is not as good as me. He has to rest constantly, he falls asleep all the time (oh my Gods it's so annoying!), and he twitches and shifts in pain which is what my bad days look like too. Sleeping next to him was the worst, he shakes and stiffens and winds up screaming due to the nerve pain. He can't sit or stand for too long and he brings a blanket in his walker so he can lie down at the park when we take Ana.
I have said, look if the court Dr wants you to go back to work, then you need to be retrained for a new skill set and they should pay for it. Furthermore who the hell is going to hire him like that when he has narcolepsy?!
I get it, you must weed out the fakers otherwise the government loses money for people that actually need it like mentally retarded children who's parents keep saying they're autistic. If your kid keeps drooling and banging their skull into the wall, I'm sorry Carol, but Ian isn't going to college.
My other conspiracy theory is that someone somehow is trying to get like an advance on whatever money he will get in the suit, which he'd then not have money himself but be made to pay the interest which is something obscene like 33 percent.
Like what if this is a major thing poor people do in Florida? There is REAL poverty down there. What if some how these people get the info from people's cases and try and get checks out of them?
Or, is it some tactic the insurance company uses with all the phone calls to check up on people?
Are they watching me?
Well, I hope they are. Shadow was my care giver. I was in fucking bed unable to walk for months and he still took care of me before and after his surgery. He would come home from work dead tired and still take care of Ana when she was a newborn. He still went to work point blank even though he was injured, and just took ibuprofen to get through the day before he became partially paralyzed, we had to buy those massive bottles from Costco! He was in the hospital for over a month while I took care of Ana alone with no one to take care of me. We have both seen each other at our absolute worst, but he knew going into this relationship that I was sick, no one plans for both partners to be incapacitated!
We have been through fucking hell the past three years. That's our daughter's entire life. Three years of pain and suffering, hospitalizations, opioids, nasty TNF blockers and soon to be chemo for me.
He can't take of me, and I can't take care of him. We're fucking screwed. All we want to do is get better, but it's taking years and I have a degenerative joint disease so that might not even happen for me.
So to the people who are watching, reading and calling. Fuck you. Seriously. We're not trying to scam anyone. I live in fucking Newark where there is a murder every day. I am 33 and need a cane because they said I'm too young to get my knee replaced. Shadow deserves better than all of this. He could have died. So have some compassion.
To my regular readers and kind friends, I appreciate any insight you have regarding any of this. You're all amazing, and I appreciate your friendship.
Wednesday, March 7, 2018
I happened to mention this story briefly in a comment, but I suppose I should go ahead and tell the full tale.
Ladybugs are Shadow's thing. His totem animal maybe? Spirit guide? I don't know. Whatever they are to him spiritually, it doesn't matter, what matters is, they're there, and when it involves him, they're there for me too.
When I first met Shadow, a number of odd things began happening, first it was the dimes and next it was the ladybugs, there were other things too, but that's another story for another time. Anyway, they never really popped up for me before. I'd always come across oddly colored bugs I'd never seen and pennies on the street.
Shadow however, brings the Magick.
First, the curious incident of the dimes on the sidewalk:
Long before he ever met me, Shadow did a ritual on a beach in Pacifica, which he has never really explained in great detail to me. Instead of using pennies, he used dimes and it also involved a bonfire which apparently are perfectly legal there. Ever since that day, he finds dimes on the street. Never pennies. And I'm not talking one here or there, I'm talking four or five or more a day. When I began dating him, I too started finding dimes. Dino and I would be walking along and say "look, there's a dime! Shadow's thinking about us!", and we'd know it to be true, and we still know now that he is. Occasionally we do find a penny, and a couple of times ten bucks, but mostly dimes.
Second, the plague of spotted red ladies:
There wasn't a ritual involved for this one, at least I don't think there was, I don't know, he has a headache right now, so I can't ask him. Never the less, lady bugs, there were. I'd see them in places where before there was nothing. We had screens, so how the hell did they get in? It wasn't tons of them, just, they'd always land on me!
So, two specific times that I can remember was one, where the lady bug landed on me and shortly after that we moved in together. We actually didn't intend to move in together, because he preferred being in Union City which is super close to Manhattan to get to work. It happened by accident, he just kinda stayed and didn't go home and eventually his roommate brought all his stuff to my place. Oops.
The second ladybug landed on my panties while I was in a public restroom, and I just knew, that I was pregnant. That's it. The ladybug brought me a message. "No moon blood on your panties this month!"
Ladybugs for Shadow and I are harbingers of good things.
Ana has a ladybug potty, and ladybugs on her Crocs. Above her bed instead of a cross, she has a stained glass ladybug, she also has a ladybug tutu. Dino, oddly enough when he was little had ladybugs on his Crocs too, but he's a big boy now.
So there you have it. The truly bizarre, yet magical things that can happen when two Wiccans get together.
Blessed Be! Hope everyone enjoyed the full moon and hopefully it won't be cloudy for the next blue moon at the end of the month!
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
The temple at Delphi, where the oracle became quite intoxicated from natural gases through a "chasm". I prefer not to be out of mind to experience Apollo.
Lately, I find myself getting jealous at other people's experiences of spirituality. Like, why are their observations of the Divine, deity and even paranormal phenomenon so much more rich and varied than mine, or frequent for that matter?
I have read about people actually coming in contact with Goddesses and speaking with them. Others have told me about their ability to astral project. My own son has the skill, and over time, as he matures, he'll be able to hone it.
As I have said before, I have issues with empathy. I have a lack of it, the exception being my children, specifically my son because of 12 years worth of absolute drama, so when it comes to him, I get very emotional and things get painful, physically.
There are so many of you who are empaths, and you feel others emotions like the entire weight of the world is suffocating you! Me, I have zero sympathy for people. I've been accused of being a sadist and even a sociopath. I had to learn to love and appreciate and actually care for Shadow in a way I never had before.
It seems, I just don't feel this part of my path, the way others do, and it is of course irrational of me to feel jealous! I don't want to feel crushed by other people's feelings. I don't want the prophetic dreams my dad has or speak to dead people like my yaiya. I don't want to be harassed by spirits who need help moving on!
But there is that part of me that wants a closer connection to the Gods.
For me, I can at least feel someone there. I asked Hera to be near me at the birth of my son. I didn't ask a Goddess to be there when I had my daughter, because Shadow was there, he was my rock. When the wind blows, I feel a playful mother tickling me, sometimes there are other instances, where I feel like someone is there, but how can one be sure?
I have to think about when that "ah ha!" moment happened for me when I felt something shift, and that moment was when I gave birth. I have written here and there about feeling like Wonder Woman, able to do anything with that tiny little baby boy in my arms. I was the Goddess. That utter euphoria lasted for years. It actually ended in September 2014 when I found out I was pregnant with Ana, severe morning sickness sure does bring one back down to earth.
I experienced that wonderful sensation again in April 2015, but it was short lived because my body was failing me. For others, illness brings them closer to their Gods, for me, it makes me withdraw from the Divine.
I want that feeling back. I want to feel like I can do anything again. I want to feel like the mother Goddess able to wrestle a crocodile away from her babes!
I also have to realize that my experiences are my own and I can't have the same ones other people do.😒
Shadow has been telling me for months now that I need more grounding, I need to go outside barefoot and hug a tree, get my toes into some dirt and rid myself of these blockages.
Am I not accepting enough of the Divine?
Is my own illness, or perhaps my mind blocking me?
How do I even find out?
Lately my energy has been zapped, I do my root grounding, the one that I'm sure everyone knows. Extend your root out into a nearby tree in your minds eye and feed that tree all the muck inside of you, and replace it with lovely tree energy. Sometimes I feel better, sometimes I don't.
Another one I use is in the shower, I always highly recommend the technique to people, especially those who feel calmer in water or when it rains. Let the sludge fall from your body and go down the drain where it will be filtered somewhere by the Earth.
Am I perhaps letting too much out, and not getting enough in?
Maybe this is the reason why I am seeking out so many books on the craft that I haven't read before (thank goodness for the New York Public Library).
For me, letting things in is easiest in the form of books. For years I spent most of my time writing, I kept an old livejournal and wrote on two fanfiction sites in my teens and at various times during adult hood, but I didn't read many books unless it was for school or when a new Harry Potter book came out (yeah, I know, I'm old.🙅)
Writing is output.
Reading is input.
Thus, I'll leave it at this for now. I'll read more. Figure out a few things, add some new tricks to my practice (I'm kinda drawn to prayer beads now), and see what's what.
I came to Wicca so I wouldn't be in a religious rut. I'm not going to be the lapse pagan, but I'm also not on a quest to become a religious zealot. I can, after all, think of some people who are. 😉