Saturday, June 9, 2018

Vampires and Dragons and Wolves, Oh My!

This, this right here is what I meant by fuckery.

I'm repeating myself here.  I'm tired, like fucking pissed off at people thinking they have the spirit, or soul, or whatever of a wolf or are really a vampire or some other such fuckery.

Stop it.

You are a homo sapien.

You want to be different, you want to be unique, you just KNOW that you're not like everyone else.

Bitch, have you been near a fucking wolf?

Those fuckers are dangerous.

Have you heard of HIV?

Yes?  And you still want to drink random mother fuckers blood?

Shadow and I do not have a spell that can turn you into "who I really am".  No spell can do that.  Whether you think you're a rabbit or you are a girl trapped in a boys body, there isn't a spell to restore you to your alleged natural state.

Yes, we are witches, yes, we do spells, and YES our spells and rituals have worked.  We have a combined experience of over 40 years practicing Magick.  We don't have secrets.  We have INTENT.  We want something, we ask for it, we meditate on it, and mostly we receive it.  We possess the confidence to manifest our desires into our life.

If you really did have the soul of some other species in you, then you would be in trouble my friends.  What would your parents have done with the kid who keeps eating raw meat loaf, catching rats, refuses to stop shitting on their lawn or worse, keeps biting their cousin's carotid artery?

Human beings have an outstanding ability to care for ourselves.  We use tools, we have hundreds of languages, and can express ourselves with the written word.

You can't fucking read if you're a wolf.

What you lack is confidence.

Plain and simple.

You need confidence to love yourself and create the life that you want.  Yes, you can be different and unique and all that shit, but you have to rock it, own it, be yourself.  The problem with people wanting to be something they're not is they're not happy with who they are.  Usually it's because someone else told them they shouldn't be.

Fuck them.

That's confidence.  The ability to walk away and be proud of who you are.  You are not here to please anyone but yourself.  Remember that.  At the same time, you need to get your head out of the clouds and be more grounded and serious.  There is a huge difference between being unique and being a fucking creepy weirdo.

Do NOT be a creepy weirdo.

You may now ask yourself, but aren't you a weirdo Spiral?

No.  And here's why:

If I were a creepy weirdo then instead of explaining how your asses need confidence and self respect, I would give out a detailed ritual spanning months on how to turn yourself into your desired creature complete with ancient Greek chant.

I am that big of a bitch to troll people like that, but as a Wiccan, I have a moral obligation to tell you like it is and help you, not fuck with you.

Do I need to go on, or do you get it?

If you're below age 26, then sadly you might not get it until your brain stops developing.  If you're over 26, than I'm sorry, but who in the Gods names hurt you?

I don't want to have to go off on you people again.  (When a New Yorker says "you people", it means everyone but themself.)  I will simply refer back to this post.

Are we cool?

Now go do your fucking homework.

Mama Spiral is out.

Blessed Be!
πŸŒ’πŸŒ•πŸŒ˜


Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Embracing Science When You Love Nature



It's fucking fantastic when someone can say that they got better naturally.  By this I mean, not by one's self, but by nutrition supplements, proper diet, exercise and let's throw in yoga, dog therapy and for shits and giggles long walks on the beach with no shoes.

I used to be that person, especially when conventional modern day medicine decided to fuck my system up like whoa.

The Drugs:
Years ago, I had a severe flare up.  My hands locked up, I could barely walk and the doctor tried one medicine after there other.  First it was Methotrexate.  This if you didn't know is a cancer and chemical abortion medication.  Fun shit.  I tell people all the time, I don't do drugs.  You wanna get fucked up on some real shit?  Try Methotrexate.  It made me black out.  16 weeks of my life, I don't remember.  What I do remember is throwing up all the time, my hair falling out, still being in pain, and some how getting to school after taking two buses to get there.  Crystal meth ain't doing it for you?  Give the other meth a try.πŸ˜‰

Next, they tried Enbrel.  Enbrel didn't do shit.  Again I got worse.

Finally, I was put on the study for this "miracle" biologic called Raptiva.  Fuck Raptiva.  I wound up bed ridden.  Less then half way through the study I threw that shit out.  Each shot was a thousand bucks, I had at least twenty shots left.  Again, fuck Raptiva.  Thankfully it never went to market.  And I never went back to that doctor.

Traditional Chinese Medicine:
Instead I found myself an accupuncturist.   He was amazing.  I started getting better right away.  He suggested a macrobiotic diet, and gave me lots of herbal teas to drink.  I was healthy again.

This was 2005 to 2006 roughly, again I don't fucking remember cause I was heavily drugged.  In 2007 I had my bouncing baby boy.  He was healthy, thank you Zeus.

Back to Drugs:
For years, I was fine.  Yeah my skin got a bit patchy during winters but I could run for the bus, ride my bike 8 miles a day or more, chase my lovely boy on the playground equipment and climb stairs two at a time.

Then, if you've been following this blog, you know that after I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl in 2015, all hell broke loose.

I was not fine, I was not ok and three years later I'm still waiting to get better and also waiting for that commercial on TV (have you or someone you know been treated with Humira?)

Honestly I can't blame it on Humira, it didn't do anything but give me a swollen lymph node that had to be removed.

I've read briefly about something called floxing which is when the body gets too much antibiotics.  I was on a course for over a month.  So I really want to blame it on that.

In less then a year I was put on Prednisone, Percocet, Meloxicam, Humira and Stelara.  Stelara was the first thing to work, but it didn't work well.

All the while, I was downing my usual regimen of turmeric and added to it Devil's Claw and White Willow Bark.  I was also drinking various herbal teas from Yogi.  Nothing was helping.  Instead of the macrobiotic diet, I tried the antiinflammatory diet, I lost some weight but was still in severe pain.

Right now, I'm in limbo.  My final injectable concoction has been Cosentyx (the stuff Cyndi Lauper is on).  It has horrendous side effects, like spiked blood pressure with rapid heart beat, migrains, dizziness, nausia, muscle weaknss.  And probably a bunch of other stuff that I get that I can't even remember if it's disease related or pharmacological side effects.  At the end of the day however, this has been the only stuff to work so far.  Sadly I'm not being given the proper dosage I need and I'm in a fight with the insurance company because of it.

Disease modifying medications are something I believe in.  They've helped so many people, I've seen them work on myself with my own eyes.  It's unfortunate that they're so expensive which is why insurance doesn't want to cover it.  It's way cheaper for them to have me in a wheel chair collecting SSI then spending the 10K a shot I need so I can actually function properly, and you know work like a normal 33 year old woman.

Special Diet:
My diet is a modified Mediterranean.  I cut out grains except for the occasional brown or white rice.  Cosentyx for some strange reason has taken away my lactose intolerance and replaced it with a wheat intolerance.  So I can enjoy cheese and yoghurt again.  I also added morninga tea to my list of herbal remedies, and I enjoy two servings of kombucha a week.

Does any of this actually help?

Who the fuck knows?

I haven't felt well in years.

All I know is, the natural stuff makes me feel better about putting the manufactured chemicals in my body.  At this point it's just part of my routine.  Down some herbal pills and vitamins, drink a coffee or tea, eat an omelette, try to minimize pain.

Besides herbs, there are other new age pagany remedies that I've always loved and used for much of my whole life.  This is where nature comes in again.  Let's go through each one shall we?

Crystals:
I love pretty rocks, what girl doesn't?  I was given a quantum balance crystal a few years ago.  And it does make me feel a tad better just to wear it.  Mostly it effects EMF's.  I can't walk into an electronic store without it on.  This pendant really helps from that dizzy head throbbing feeling I get around too much electricity.

I've actually always liked crystals and collected them, but it was Shadow who taught me the hard core healing techniques.  When I was at my worst, he'd put me to sleep with selenite and some large quartz points that we have, while doing some energy work on me.
Such a great guy that one. 😍

Essential Oils:
Have you heard of Deep Blue from DoTerra?  Let me tell you about this stuff.  It's phenomenal.  Hands down the best topical pain reliever ever.  It's expensive as fuck but worth every penny.  Shadow uses it on his neck and back and I used it on my back during pregnancy.

Oils are yet another thing I used long before people became googly eyed over them.  They can help with mood, sinuses, ridding your apartment of other people's stinky cooking and so much more.

Back when my son was little I would put eucalyptus oil in the burner and mix some up with coconut oil to put on his chest if he was congested.  I rarely used cold medicine with him.  In fact we just did this for him a couple months ago when the allergies were really bad around here, works like a charm, no pills needed.

Vibes:
Ever feel like your living space is just off?  Well, as soon as I cleanse with sage and make my place more witchified, I feel loads better.  Sometimes you just have to take the time to send other people's energy packing.  Being surrounded by your own things helps too.  My crystals, my books, my pens and ink.  These things are all embued with my energy so it just feels good to be around them.  Even the simple act of clearing off the altar table and rearranging it can do wonders for one's mood.

At the end of the day, I need a balance of science and nature.  Hopefully one day I will be able to go back to all nature, but right now is not that day.

I'm still trying to find things that work and not giving up hope.  If you're reluctant to try some medications, read all the facts, try some herbs and other stuff first and then work with your doctor to choose the medicine that will work for you.

Blessed Be!
πŸŒ’πŸŒ•πŸŒ˜



Thursday, May 17, 2018

Wicca Day to Day


I recently asked the Google+ communities about what I should write about next.  I got some great suggestions and promise to try and get to them all, but one struck me the most.  My day to day life as a Wiccan.  What does that look like?  Do I wake up, drink black coffee, don a pointy hat and start stirring the cauldron?

No.

I'm all for witch aesthetic, but I don't live in NYC and that shit ain't gonna fly in Newark, yet.

I'm also disabled, so much of my day is spent trying not to be in pain.

So here is a typical day for me, more or less, and how I incorporate my religious beliefs into my daily life.

When I wake up (my three year old wakes me, no need for an alarm), my joints are very stiff, so I spend a few minutes "unstiffening" myself as I like to say.  This entails some leg lifts and stretches all while still lying on my bed.  What I would prefer to be doing is sun salutations, but right now my joints don't move like that.

Next is breakfast.  Depending on what meds I take, I may be ravenous or I may not be hungry at all.  So usually I have brunch around 10:30 or 11 after feeding Ana her first breakfast (she eats again with me), it is always some iteration of eggs.  My parents do my shopping for me and always buy me either organic or cage free eggs.  I either make an omelette with an organic kale spinach mix and tomatoes or a scramble with sausage or bacon and the kale on the side.  I must have tons of garlic in my kale.  Depending on the weather, I either have hot tea or iced coffee.  I drink Trader Joe's Irish breakfast tea, it's dead strong, for coffee I'm a Euro snob and only drink Classic NescafΓ©.  One day, Shadow will buy me a Nespresso machine.

Being Wiccan, and diseased, I care about what I put in my body.  Most of what I eat is organic.  I also try and stick to a gluten free diet and limit my carbs and sugar, I also don't consume alcohol and haven't for years. The key to sugar intake is, if a banana tastes too sweet when it has no spots, then you have reached optimal sugar detox.  I eat most of my fruit underripe because of this.  I achieved this level of unsweetenedness about 12 or 13 years ago after going to a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner.

After cleaning up, I then clean myself.  This is where more of a ritual comes into play.  I buy many of my products from Lush, Whole Foods and Trader Joe's.  My one must have product that I've been using since I was a teenage is a rose water toner I get for ten bucks.  Apparently everyone caught on and it goes quickly at the Whole Foods in Montclair.  Having psoriasis, I tend to purchase products that are all natural and anti inflammatory, so I get a lot of rose stuff.

In the shower, I practice this meditation that I have written about before and I always recommend to people.  It simply works.  Stand under the water and imagine all the negative energy leaving your body as a black sludge and going down the drain.  That's it.  Water cleanses and cleans.

After that I basically do whatever I want or the reality is, whatever I feel up to if I don't need to go somewhere.  Usually I knit and watch shows or movies on Amazon, while Ana plays with her toys.  I prefer British programming, I always have.  Currently I'm watching the Inspector Lewis series. 

Now, knitting is strongly related to my Wiccan beliefs.  Knot Magick can be said over stitches, colors of yarn for various intents, even the intent of the garment can all be chosen with great care and magickal purpose.  I just finished a shawl and my next project is a huge light sage tree of life blanket.  I chose green as a color for prosperity, and the tree of life pattern because of Shadow's affinity for it.  My hope is that one day (still don't know when) it will be the blanket to drape across our couch in our new home when our family is together again.

Besides taking care of my daughter which doesn't involve much really at this age, I don't do much.  I clean up her messes, make the beds, vacuum the carpet and keep the oil diffuser filled with citrus during the day and lavender at night.  I check my new lavender plant (I have a black thumb unlike Shadow) and I make sure my crystals get some sun everyday.

My mom usually cooks dinner since my dad is very particular.  I cook the Greek food, she cooks the Italian, for the most part, but only a few dishes for him, cause again he's a picky freaking toddler.  I seriously miss cooking for Shadow.  We cooked together and we always agreed that we could never have too much garlic.  We switched to Himalayan salt about five years ago, that and lemons are must haves in our kitchen.

Now that I'm writing this, I'm thinking, I don't do a dedication or offering of food when I cook.  During a ritual, yes we do, but everyday, no.  If that's something you would like to do, go for it.  Thank the Gods for your cereal and coffee.  Maybe I need to do this more often.

Now, I want to get one thing straight here, and really I could probably write a whole rant.  You don't need to be vegan to be Wiccan.  I'm a proud and unapologetic meat eater.  In practice, I could cut out land animals and go all fish, but our budget doesn't allow that right now.  We are Greek and eat tons of shrimp, sardines, sword fish, tuna, salmon and squid.  Just last week we had lobster.  Ok, maybe it's in the budget, but that's my dad's budget, not mine.  The bottom line is, to quote Andrew Zimmern: "if it looks good, eat it".

The rest of the evening is spent relaxing.  We FaceTime Shadow (three hour difference from Cali), I do some more knitting or read.  I read every day, and it's not just books on Wicca or witchcraft.  Currently I'm reading Anna Karenina since I didn't get to read it last summer when I got it for book club.  Just because you're Wiccan doesn't mean you're tied down to that subject.  I've seen too many people do this.  Read something you enjoy, the reality is, that once you've read one book on Wicca you've read them all.  People have variations but, it's all the same.

The evening is also when I tend to write.  I jot things down in my journal and make sure important dates are written on my calendar.  I keep everything in one Moleskine notebook.  My calendar, my dreams, my tarot readings, notes, spells, journal entries, and Professor Dumbledore's favorite: knitting patterns.

The last thing I do after putting Ana to sleep is read.  It calms the mind, and I'm also not focused on a screen.

And that's that.

My life right now is pretty mundane, but I don't need to do anything eloborate.  I can do little things all day that are meaningful to me.  Do what is right for you.  You don't need to construct a museum of artifacts around your home and make everything you do reek of Wicca.

Thoughts?  Anger at my steak eating?

Blessed Be!
πŸŒ›πŸŒπŸŒœ

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Thoughts On The Tarot




A fellow Wiccan requested that I write about the Tarot, so here goes.

I've actually always been drawn to the cards, I first began dabbling in tarot back in 1998 when I was in 8th grade.  We knew a girl whose mother owned a Botanica which was right across from school so she'd bring out the deck during recess and we'd read cards to each other.  Usually yes or no readings.  A few years later with some money I earned writing other people's papers (no lie, I made bank that year and didn't get introuble either) I was able to buy my first deck from the Pyramid Collection Catalogue.  It was the Rider Waite deck in a special box, the fascimilied edition with The Pictorial Key to the Tarot.  It was a very nice boxed set.  Here it is below, I don't actually own this one anymore, because my sister some how got a hold of it and lost a few of the cards. 😀



Over the years I've owned a few decks, I've tried the Thoth deck, and the Deviant Moon.  I also used to own the Enchanted Tarot.  Mini decks seem to call to me as well, so I own one in a neat little box.  I like those little boxed set of things they sell at Barnes and Noble, they're quite fun.






How did I learn the Tarot?  I still feel like I haven't.  I've read some books, and I've read the cards.  On my old Live Journal I used to read a daily card at the end of each entry.  I did the same in my physical journal.  In fact, it's one of the recommended ways to learn to read.  Just dive right in!

Honestly, for me, it's the absolute best way to learn.  Just get a deck, or look at the pictures online and see what feelings and thoughts they bring out in you.  You can't always regurgitate the meanings in a book because they're someone else's interpretations.  You can and should make your own.  Maybe the color red means anger to you and not love, that personal significance can certainly skew a reading.

When you're ready to buy a deck, I do recommend the Rider Waite Smith, it's the easiest for me, but also chock full of imagery, which some decks aren't.  However, if it doesn't speak to you, then forget about it.  Find one that does.  And if the one you buy doesn't, that's ok too.  I REALLY like the pictures and style of the Thoth deck, but I can't read it.  It's very difficult for me.  So I sometimes took them out just to look, but I don't use them.  Right now all my other decks are in storage so all I have is my commemorative edition of the Rider Waite Smith (that's actually titled "Smith-Waite", which is a fabulous facsimile edition.  If you do like this deck, do get one of those facsimile editions, the coloring is more muted and easier on the eyes, and I'm hoping more true to the original colors of the time period.

A few months ago while scrolling through Amazon Prime for something to watch, I came across an excellent documentary about the Tarot.  It highlighted a reader who only reads the Marsielle deck and whose interpretations are unique.  There are some short clips on YouTube if you don't have access to Prime Video.  Please try and watch this film, if you have any doubts about reading, it will really open yours eyes and give you more confidence with this man's approach.


Remember to not take divination of any type too seriously.  Have fun with whatever deck or medium you choose.

Would you guys like to see me interpret a card at the end of each blog post?

I post the picture of the card, then my personal meanings, followed by the meanings in the book.  Then you can compare the two and perhaps see how my thought process works.  I will give an example below:

The Two of Wands:



What I think: This is a person who's trying to figure out what to do next.  It looks like he's already accomplished quite a bit, he's dressed well, and is looking out to see from the top of a balcony at a castle maybe.  Perhaps he's planning his next adventure, hence the globe.

What the book says: No marriage possible, riches, fortune, magnificence. Physical suffering, disease, chagrin, sadness, mortification.

See?  My interpretation is nothing like what Waite suggests.

If you want me to do more, let me know.

Blessed Be!!!
πŸŒ›πŸŒπŸŒœ





Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Behind the Name


A good online friend mentioned the origin of my name, and although I've posted it a few times, I don't think I've ever done a complete blog post about it.

Spiral Breeze is a great name.  I made it up many many years ago.  I was probably 14 or 15.  It fits into the Wicca community perfectly, but it also works for the PokΓ©mon community as well since it sounds like a possible attack, and, it just so happens that as a former flute player, that the way air travels through a flute is in a spiral down the shaft. 

Spiral Breeze sounds awesome and it also happens to kill three birds with one stone, and that's just fine with me.

I've actually thought to use it professionally if I ever did decide to publish anything.  We'll see.  I simply must get better first.  Until then, I keep my writing chops fine tuned one here.  Kinda anyway.

There you have it.  Nothing really profound or special, just some teenage finangling to find a good screename that fits multiple accounts.

Blessed Be!
πŸŒ›πŸŒπŸŒœ

Friday, April 20, 2018

420


Greetings on this, the holiest day for those devotees known as The Stoners.  For it is They who light the green dank herb and speak truths unto men.
Blessed Be They, and their greenest of crops.

I don't smoke.  Never have.  I can't even be too close to a BBQ.  But I have a severe disease and would benefit from CBD oil.  Sadly, it's expensive and I can't afford it.

There are so many stories of it working for people with arthritis and other auto immune diseases.  I need something that works, because nothing else really does, but again, I don't have the money to pay for it.

It's unreasonable how expensive it is.

So, even though I don't smoke, I still sign petitions, I still try and keep up with news and forward articles to people.  If you do smoke, sign the petitions.  Please, I know most of you guys are out there doing it for fun, but there are some very sick people who need a natural alternative to the usual drugs they pump us with.  We need prices lowered or items subsidized for our health just like medicaid pays for all those dangerous pharmacuticals.

I hope everyone had a great day and continues to have a wonderful enlightening night feeling good.

These are my feelings on marijuana whether you use it for fun or to stop the pain.  It needs to be available to everyone at a low price and no one should ever go to jail for using it or having it on their person.

Happy 420 to everyone!!

Blessed Be!
🚬πŸ”₯πŸ’¨

Sunday, April 1, 2018

We Think They're Watching Us


Some pretty weird things have been going on lately, mostly to Shadow but I've had some bizarre phone calls too.

So, as many of you know, Shadow fell off of the scaffolding he was erecting almost four years ago, actually just after we concieved Ana.  I've never discussed any of the legal aspects because for one thing, I don't really know them and second, they're not mine to discuss.  Shadow and I are not married.  It's nobodies damned business but his.

Anyway, starting in September, I began receiving phone calls from Empire Blue Cross Blue Shield about our Medicare case in NYC, but they'd always ask about Shadow's health stuff, not mine or Ana's (Dino wasn't on our policy).  I didn't tell the gentleman on the phone anything.  He was obviously Jamaican.  He called three times.  All I said was, "you need to speak with Shadow about this, his number should be on file too, here it is in case it isn't".  Mind you, both our numbers were always on everything.

Periodically I'd recieve a phone call about Shadow and still give them his number and tell them to call.  They'd always say they were from Blue Cross.  I just got two calls last week, two different people and I said the same thing.  His number should be on file, call him, here it is again.  The second person said, no one made a note of it, so I gave it again.

Now, yesterday Shadow tells me that he recieved a very strange phone call saying that they were from the post office and couldn't deliver a check.  The woman on the phone read off both addresses in NYC from the shelter we were in together as a family and the men's shelter he was in by himself.  She explained that the check had gone first to Queens, then to Manhattan, and finally they were trying to deliver it to him in Cali.

First of all, the post office doesn't call people.  Second of all they shouldn't know it's a check and third of all they said there was a driver outside his mom's house and there wasn't.

There is no check.  One was never issued from anything regarding his case.

Here is another scary occurrence: There was a helicopter hovering over his mom's property.

Shadow was able to trace the phone number that called him after confirming with the post office that they never called, would never call and there was nothing for him with them.  The number is from Florida.  He was even able to get the address it's registered to, if that info is correct with the way people change numbers nowadays.

Who knows?  They're probably reading this right now, just like my ex boyfriends and all those other people that like to stalk me.

What's going on?

We have our suspicions. 

It's known that when someone applies for disability or has a lawsuit that they do send out private investigators to capture surveillance on people who are trying to scam the insurance companies.  For example, catching someone lifting heavy groceries out of their car when they claim they can't carry things due to pain.  Or capturing video of a person jogging when they claim that they need a walker to get around.  So, this could be one of those investigators.  OK, fine dude, that your job, just don't scare people.

There is no doubt that Shadow is doing better, but on my good days, he is not as good as me.  He has to rest constantly, he falls asleep all the time (oh my Gods it's so annoying!), and he twitches and shifts in pain which is what my bad days look like too.  Sleeping next to him was the worst, he shakes and stiffens and winds up screaming due to the nerve pain.  He can't sit or stand for too long and he brings a blanket in his walker so he can lie down at the park when we take Ana.

I have said, look if the court Dr wants you to go back to work, then you need to be retrained for a new skill set and they should pay for it.  Furthermore who the hell is going to hire him like that when he has narcolepsy?!

I get it, you must weed out the fakers otherwise the government loses money for people that actually need it like mentally retarded children who's parents keep saying they're autistic.  If your kid keeps drooling and banging their skull into the wall, I'm sorry Carol, but Ian isn't going to college.

πŸ˜‚

My other conspiracy theory is that someone somehow is trying to get like an advance on whatever money he will get in the suit, which he'd then not have money himself but be made to pay the interest which is something obscene like 33 percent.

Like what if this is a major thing poor people do in Florida?  There is REAL poverty down there.  What if some how these people get the info from people's cases and try and get checks out of them?

Or, is it some tactic the insurance company uses with all the phone calls to check up on people?

Are they watching me?

Well, I hope they are.  Shadow was my care giver.  I was in fucking bed unable to walk for months and he still took care of me before and after his surgery.  He would come home from work dead tired and still take care of Ana when she was a newborn.  He still went to work point blank even though he was injured, and just took ibuprofen to get through the day before he became partially paralyzed, we had to buy those massive bottles from Costco!  He was in the hospital for over a month while I took care of Ana alone with no one to take care of me.  We have both seen each other at our absolute worst, but he knew going into this relationship that I was sick, no one plans for both partners to be incapacitated!

We have been through fucking hell the past three years.  That's our daughter's entire life.  Three years of pain and suffering, hospitalizations, opioids, nasty TNF blockers and soon to be chemo for me.

He can't take of me, and I can't take care of him.  We're fucking screwed.  All we want to do is get better, but it's taking years and I have a degenerative joint disease so that might not even happen for me.

So to the people who are watching, reading and calling.  Fuck you. Seriously.  We're not trying to scam anyone.  I live in fucking Newark where there is a murder every day.  I am 33 and need a cane because they said I'm too young to get my knee replaced. Shadow deserves better than all of this.  He could have died.  So have some compassion.

Jerks.

To my regular readers and kind friends, I appreciate any insight you have regarding any of this.  You're all amazing, and I appreciate your friendship.

Blessed Be!

πŸŒ›πŸŒπŸŒœ