Sunday, December 31, 2017

Last Day of 2017

The last page of my 2017 Moleskine weekly pocket planner.

We're alive, and our children are healthy.

Another year has gone by, and it was rough, but things got better, as I hope that they will continue to do.

I'm not a big New Year's Eve person.  I've only stayed up a handful of times.  Mostly I like to sleep right through.  Come to think of it, I've never even had a midnight kiss.  I'm a weirdo like that, I prefer my peace and quiet.

Right now it's brutally cold outside.  People keep asking me if I go to Times Square.  No.  Real New Yorkers know better than to stand out there in the freezing cold.  My health and safety is worth more than that.  There are too many drunk idiots, tourists, and pick pockets out there.

I also get asked what my New Years resolution is.  Last year I promised to live with less and not have a stash of yarn like I used to, and also to utilize the library instead of purchasing books.  Well, I did very well at all those things.

Here are the numbers:

I read 37 books this year all borrowed from the library and some I received free from the Bryant Park Reading Room program.

I knit 34 objects.  And currently have no yarn left.

I am currently reading Ronald Hutton's The Witch (this book warrants an entire post all by itself), and will finish knitting a sweater for myself.  Both of which I had hoped to finish by the end of this year, but I'll just finish in the next week or so.

So as for 2018's resolution, I will continue to do what I've done all year because it was easy, saved me money and is absolutely no problem continuing.  To that I will add reading more serious texts on witchcraft and continuing to get healthy.  I've been unwell for almost three years and quite frankly, I've had enough.  Therefore, I'll continue to be wheat and dairy free and try and add more herbal supplements to my daily regimen of turmeric, devil's claw, multi vitamin and 50K of vitamin D a week.

Ultimately I hope to expand on my Magickal and holistic path and see where that takes me.  There are so many things I haven't explored and it's high time I delve into all that.  I would like to read up on Kabbalah and Traditional British Witchcraft.  I want to explore Ceremonial Magick or High Magick and how it relates to Masonry and The Order of the Golden Dawn.  This may take reading some of the original texts from the 1200's and on, but I'm game.  Finally it's about damn time I take Aleister Crowley by the hand and read his books, possibly even his novels.

In the past I've only ever skimmed or glanced at these topics.  Most of my background is in Wicca and Hellenism.  But thanks to questions from seekers on Google+, I feel I need to be better equipped to answer these.  I am the Mother, but to these teens, I am the Crone.

Now for Shadow, I'm writing this for him:

Shadow has been unwell after his accident, and of course wants to get better too.  That is a given, however his main resolution for this year is his self image.  He wants to look like the person he wants to be, dress nicer and style his hair.

Having to wear sneakers and walk with his walker gives off this image of a defeated man, and that's just not who he is.  Yes, he used to be the gruff muscular construction worker, but he can't do that job anymore.  Often people joke and say he looks more like he belongs on Game of Thrones than walking down the streets of Manhattan. He actually owns a wolf head cane, so on his better days he can use that.  I've considered getting him a wooden staff or an authentic shillelagh.  He certainly has that old Irish look about him.

Shadow also wants to start on his jewelry making again since he has been getting so many questions about it.  He hasn't been able to make anything in over a year so that will be good for him.

And... that's about it.

Out with the old, in with the new!

We both wish our readers the absolute Brightest of Blessings for your new year!

Blessed Be!

๐Ÿ’– Shadow and Spiral

Friday, December 22, 2017

Yule 2017

Ana's face in this picture... ๐Ÿ˜’

The Sun ๐ŸŒž reigns again as the days grow ever strong.

This year's Yule is more subdued, our family still divided, so how does a Pagan family celebrate a holiday like this?  This year especially we do little things all week.  In NYC, it's easy to do since there are so many things to see.

This was our first time taking our daughter to Macy's to see Santa.  The jolly man is red is as Pagan as they come, so we keep him in our family tradition.  Dino said he was too old to go, so we went on a school day, it would have been nice to get a picture of our entire family in hindsight, so I just should have brought them last Saturday, but he's at that age now. ๐Ÿ˜ข

City Paganism is in itself Magickal, we don't need to retreat to the country to get our dose of nature.  We have parks and major corporations bring the Christmas trees ๐ŸŒฒ to us.  Ana enjoyed the one at Rockefeller Center, and all the major window displays as well.  Saks has a special setup and light show for the Snow White anniversary if you enjoy Disney (I don't.). At Lord and Taylor there were cute baby animal animatronics.  A two year old stares in wonder while a ten year old would probably yawn and complain "been there, done that." ๐Ÿ˜‘

This year there was no family Yule ritual or feast either.  Ana and I took a brisk walk outside to send out a package (Tom Bihn bag repair).  With a few dollars I managed to make gift bags for three kids and scored really good fun Japanese character toys at Dollar Tree whose original price was probably between 10 and 15 bucks.  So total score for me!  The kids will open their little bags next Tuesday when Dino is home for the week.  I usually do their stockings but those are still in storage.  I've written before about living with less and I'm continuing to do that as well as pass that knowledge to my children.

Going all out for Yule usually looks like this, a massive feast, like all day feast, candles everywhere, decorating the altar, doing a spell for prosperity in our home.  We do a huge prime rib roast or leg of lamb and tons of appetizers, while we watch a movie or play music.

Shadow is the master of the appetizer, like seriously no joke, he makes stuffed porta bella mushrooms, artichoke dip, we have a cheese, salami and olive plate paired with fresh crusty bread, and whatever else he decides to make.  I will constantly lament not being able to wake up to his cooking.

We had none of that this year, and it makes me a sad.  The holidays I've created and celebrated as an adult have been so much more meaningful than the ones I had as a child.  We've accomplished this by only surrounding ourselves with people we love and keeping it simple.

Yule yesterday involved taking extra vitamin D (everyone should do this in winter, trust me) and wishing I had a huge chunk of greasy meat to devour. Holidays really are bittersweet when your family can't be together.

I suppose the main thing I'd like everyone to take from this is, you don't really need to go all out, it's lovely, but it isn't necessary.  I think the most important thing you can do for Yule is go outside and enjoy the sun even if it's cold and cloudy outside.  His rays and energies still reach you through the clouds, so just stand outside for a few minutes, or take a walk and soak it up.  The return of longer days was so vital to our ancestors and in today's high tech world of constant indoor lighting, we forget that.

Blessed Yule!

P.S. Lately people have been saying that Shadow looks like he belongs in Game of Thrones.  Isn't he so handsome and rugged?  I'm smitten! ๐Ÿ˜

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

There Might Be More

Having a chronic illness is a bitch, but twenty years or more of having a disease can lead to more questions than answers.

Autoimmune diseases, like I have (psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis), unfortunately travel in packs.  Which means, sucks to be me, I may have more than one, like Lupus, and other more awful things than what I think I already have.

However, a new diagnosis, would in fact, explain alot.  See, I've been on most of the biologics available on the market and none have worked.  Some have made be feel better for a few months, but after that I am in pain again and my skin gets worse.  I'm having that problem now with biologic number five; Cosentyx.  Cyndi Lauper takes it.  She's old, and it works for her, but her Queen's accented ass can still get up on stage and do what she has always done.  I had to give up my musical career due to my illness, I'm 32 and need a cane.

Cosentyx was supposed to be the answer to all my prayers (they clearly don't know what I pray for), my swelling was supposed to disappear, my skin was supposed to completely clear up, I was supposed to drop down fifty pounds and still maintain my 38K's (not really, but you get the picture).  Problem is, my skin is getting worse and I'm in fucking pain, and I lie about how much pain I'm actually in.  OTC's don't work, and Percocet just puts me to sleep, so I'm assed out.  My leg bones are grinding together.  It's the most unpleasant feeling in the world.  I'd rather be in labor and giving birth because at least I know it will end and I get a baby out of it.

I was promised a miracle with every single drug I've ever been on.  So what if this whole time, I've just been on the wrong meds for the wrong disease? There is no doubt that I have psoriasis.  But what if on top of my arthritis, there is something else? Something that would explain the severe pain and muscle weakness as well as all the other symptoms I have?

Luckily I may get that answer in two weeks.  My Dr. took eight large vials of blood to send to the specialist laboratory.  She's testing me for everything, from Lupus to Fibromyalgia, Cancer and Lyme's.  I even asked her to test for Familial Mediterranean Fever just cause I'm Greek and many of the symptoms fit (it's just the drugs for that are literally deadly).

I'll know in two weeks what the verdict is.  If nothing else is there, then I switch to Remicade which is a dangerous drug that treats cancer as well as causing it.  For that drug I must go to a special office to be monitored for three hours after the infusion because the side effects can kill me.  Such fun.๐Ÿ˜’

Part of me hopes there is something else there so I can finally have an answer and see if other drugs will work, the other part is scared and wants to be held and cry because it's all not fair.

In the meantime, my Dr. advised that I go gluten free again, this time for good (pasta is so delicious, but I must remain strong).  Then it's a wait and see game.  I'm just so tired of being tired and sick.

It also sucks that in the what I know helped me in the past I can no longer afford.  Acupuncture and herbs helped tremendously.  But it's expensive.  Cosentyx costs Medicaid 10K per injection, I don't pay a dime, but it's still way more expensive than if I were on holistic care.  I'm also interested in CBD oil.  In NYC, I more than qualify, but, it's 100 bucks a week, plus the cost for the card and doctor's appointment that Medicaid doesn't cover.  I wish they covered the more natural approach, but I'm grateful that I don't have to pay for anything, other wise I'd be a withered lump in bed unable to even walk.

So, I bid you all goodnight.  And wish me luck.  For those of you who are ill, don't ever give up, fight for your well being, especially the cost involved.  And also fight to legalize marijuana and other plants that can be made into meds.  We need more sustainable options that won't kill us.

Blessed Be!

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Five Years On

My Dearest Shadow,

Today is five years.  Five years since we first fell in love. Five years, since that fateful day at The Met.  To this day, no matter how many times we try, we can never find that Egyptian statue where energy surged and the desire to be in your arms over took every fiber of my being with the unbridled need to kiss you.

Five years later, and I still feel that spark, that electrical charge when I'm near you.  Five years, and I love you ever more.

We've been through hell and back together, I could have lost you when you fell.  I'm so glad I didn't.  We've been through more sickness than health and more poor than wealth, but through thick and thin, I've always had you.

You're the first person not to truly care about my illness, to take my invisible disability seriously, and still love me for the person I am.

I know things haven't been easy, and I am often disheartened, but it's you who has always told me that everything would be ok in the end.  And I believe you, even though I don't show it.

It's taken me so long to get used to our new normal.  When I wrote you those notes for court about all the things we were able to do as a couple, I cried.  I miss taking walks with you, having picnics in the park and trying to sneak artisanal beer into the water bottle.  I miss how we used to be, able to walk up the mile long path to The Cloisters, or having the stamina to galavant across the city at midnight, relishing in it's nocturnal virility.  Seeming to thrive on and be fueled by its effervescence.

Now, things are slow, languishing almost.  Days spent inside, watching various documentaries, or discovering new shows.  You'd cook the most amazing breakfasts for us, and I always made the Nescafe in matching 8oz cups.

Our new normal is also the small human we made together and prayed together for.  I couldn't have asked for a better father for our daughter.  I know that she's the most important person in your life and I love watching you dote on her, amazed at how fast she grows and learns, finally able to say "I love you" to her daddy.

It's been one rocky road my dear, but I would never turn around to take the paved one.  This road is our road, and we laid it brick by brick.  I used to tease you and say that everyday I grew more fond of you.  Such an odd thing to say in the 21st century, but I stand by my choice of words.  I do grow more fond of your each day, I love you, forever and always.


Sunday, November 26, 2017

How To Hide Your Witchy Ways From Your Parents

That's right kiddies, keep those toads hidden away!

Parents, they suck am I right?๐Ÿ˜  I'm a mom to two kids, and my oldest knows he doesn't have to hide anything from his mama. When I was growing up however, it was a different story.  My mom didn't want to hear about Witchcraft or Wicca and my father would have blown a gasket.

Currently, I live with them again due to my disability, which means most of my heavily heathen ways must be kept under lock and key (it's still all in storage).

What I do have out is inconspicuous and does not overtly scream to them that I'm a Witch (old hag maybe, but not witch.๐Ÿ˜‰)

Yes it's terrible that you can't be free, your true self and out of the broom closet so to speak, but this is for your parents sanity and more importantly, your safety.

Here are some tips I'd like to share:

Don't dress Goth.
๐Ÿ‘ฟ This screams devil worship and what not.  Wear a black t-shirt or paint your nails, but don't over do it if your parents hate it.  If your parents don't care, well then, more black lipstick and piercings for you!

Don't set up an altar.
๐ŸŽŽ I have a few crystals out, and my calendar.  For some strange reason they don't notice my Llewellyn's Witch's Calendar.  Keep things simple and don't put up a statue of the Horned God if they're going to yell at you or worse.  I would love to set up all my stuff as you see it on the background of this site, but they'd throw a fit of toddler proportions.

Keep your room clean.
๐Ÿšฏ This serves several purposes.  (I know, I'm such a mom!). First, this gives your parents less of a reason to enter your room and look around, second a neat room will be able to hide a few more witchy items on a night stand or bookshelf, especially if the floor is spotless and the books are aligned.  Third, magick can't be done in a cluttered space, trust me. Fourth, it'll be the only way you can properly put up wards to guard yourself and your room.

Don't purchase expensive tools.
๐Ÿ”ช I know it's really tempting to drop 100 bucks of your birthday money on that crystal wand or hand carved athame, but you don't need these things for an effective practice.  Let's say your parents raid your room and throw it all out, that's tools and money lost.  So save these purchases for when you're on your own. The stuff on my altar table above has been obtained slowly over the course of many years since I was 18, with money I earned.

Keep a nonchalant Book of Shadows.
๐Ÿ“’ A simple three or five subject spiral notebook or even a binder where you can move pages is perfect for this.  Don't decorate the outside of it, hell, label it math or something.  Inside, go to town.  Trust me, no parent is going through their kids math notebook.  This is going to be the bulk of your magical training, worship and practice.  For right now, don't keep separate notebooks.  Do spells, dreams, tarot, tools, herbs, everything in here.  Draw your dream altar, list tools and prices for later on.  Work your magick in here too.  Keep track of what books you've read and which titles you want to. This notebook is your current life as a witch.

Keep what you do have hidden.
๐Ÿ“ฆ As a teen I did have a few things I saved up for, like tarot cards and a few other trinkets.  So I made myself a trinket box.  Keep all your stuff neatly tucked away in a box under the bed or on a shelf.  Right now I have some things in a simple plastic box from Dollar Tree.  It serves it's purpose well, high on a shelf where the baby can't get it and it's so mundane that no one thinks twice.  Currently it has the parchment we wrote our Beltaine wishes on.

Those are my major tips out of the way.  Now on to something a little different.

Let's say your mom and dad are ok with you exploring a different religion and want more info from you because you know us parents are terrible at internetting.  Most of you guys are coming from Christianity (I have yet to meet a Jew turned Witch, please comment if you are, I gots questions!).  So here is the deal, we all know the Jesus horn tooters really took Pagan practices and changed some names and dates, it's like bootleg Versace.  When they ask you about it, don't enlighten them, instead bring up Christian Wicca.  Now, I don't follow this myself but I can give you the jist of it.  Basically, what you're going to lie about (or not if you choose to follow Christ, he's cool in his natural Jewish form) is that you are still engaging in a relationship with Jesus, but you are choosing to worship him in a different way, through nature, not church.  Got it?  You LOVE Jesus, he's your man, wine and bread and all that jazz, but there are other ways to commune with him.  For example.  Why do you need a priest to light candles and incense if you can do that all by yourself and talk to the Lord?  Hmm?!  Don't mention circles and cones of power.  Keep it plebeian (that's such a great joke! ๐Ÿ˜‚).  See what other fibs and creative lies you can come up with, there are so many parallels besides my example.

As for those of you who are flat out allowed to do and worship whoever and whatever you want; awesome.  You have excellent open minded parents.  Be that person to your kids too, and keep passing it on.  There are too many stigmatized humans on this planet.

Anything else you want covered?  Specific answers to your particular dilemma?  Comment below or in the communities.  Mama Spiral is here to help.

Blessed Be!

๐Ÿ˜‚ Plebeians! Seriously look that up.  So funny.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Why One Shouldn't Troll The Pagan Community

I shouldn't be writing this.  It should be self explanatory, but trolls aren't exactly the brightest crayons in the box.

Many Pagans practice Witchcraft.

Some, are Wiccan and must abide the rule of three as well as the major tenant "an it harm none".

Keeping those two things in mind, we practice magick and some of us don't follow the above.

With this information, why, oh why would you choose to harass a bunch of witches?

The Wiccan may say, turn the other cheek, or try to feed the correct info, and then there are the others who may or may not cast something on your account and in turn: you; simply because you pissed them off.

Harassing us is not safe.

Yes, this is a threat, no we aren't all light and love, and you should know this. I'm not talking out of my ass here.

Like seriously.  We can bind you, or curse you (I'm Greek, my entire religion relies on curses with the help of the Gods), some may do worse.

And yet, you find it fun to bother us.  The one community that can psychically kick your ass.

Good for you for being dumb, especially if you're 12.  I get it, the kids at school make fun of you.  You're a geek, you like anime and you're obese.  Fine, whatever, but, it's not ok to take your anger out on us.

When one dons the mask of the internet, you are given power.  Power that you probably don't have at school.  So why use that power to fuck with a bunch of people who could do some serious harm?  Why not use that power to fuck with people that need to be fucked with?

The following is a list of people that in my opinion need some serious trolling:

Donald Trump (an exceptionally easy target)
Pedophiles (this is the most fun)
Vegans (sorry, but not sorry)
Hipsters (especially the rich ones who insist on looking homeless while drinking six dollar coffee).

The list could go on.

Just leave us alone.  It's that simple.

Or else, you're gonna fucking regret it.

We worship thousands of different deities.


Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Samhain 2017

Shadow and Ana on Halloween.

Perhaps this post will give you an idea of what it's like celebrating Samhain as a pagan family.  Many of you are solitary or hoping that once you are in a relationship that you will have a partner in crime so to speak.

We don't live this life glamorously.  It seems that Witchcraft is "in" again and that means so is black lipstick, nails and skulls on book cases.  All that stuff is fun, I'm typing this right now with deep plum nails, but that stuff's not important. What is important for us is our family.  Celebrating together, spending time together while taking time to acknowledging our ancestors, Witches before us, as well as the Gods and Goddesses.

We're not the most devout or spiritual people on the planet, but we left Christianity for a reason.  Holidays turned too commercial, all about money and with too much pressure to appear perfect.

Shadow and I are not perfect.  Far from it, and that's ok.  We get candle wax everywhere during spells, we spill essential oils, and on some Sabbaths, we haven't done anything at all.  That too is ok.

This year, with our family separated, we did the best we could with the resources we have.  Our daughter had three days of fun and candy and dressing up, and now we're all Halloweened out.

For a family like us who is living with very little cash, free things are a blessing.  If you have kids or when you do, search local events that are free.  We're lucky that we live so close to NYC where there is an abundance of free or low cost programs.

Our Halloween celebration actually started last week.  The M&M company gives out free costumes and treat bags every year at the rec center here in Newark.  My son isn't here during the week so it was just me and Ana, but I managed to get a treat bag for him anyway.

Ana in her new fairy costume.

Our next free event Dino was home for, so we traveled to Belleville for an event that we have gone to for three years in a row now.  It's completely free, and the kids each get a pumpkin, snacks, popcorn, hot cocoa and can play on a few bouncy rides.  Here is Dino helping Ana climb one:

I wasn't able to get a costume for Dino, but using some basic makeup I did a simple dead/zombie/skull face.  (I do not recommend Katy Perry's CoverGirl eyeliner, it's just not great.)

The third and final free event was in East Midtown.  There, we met up with Shadow and were given bags, a map and other little treats.  Ana was able to get her face painted and we got free photo booth pictures.

Walking around the neighborhood was fun but tiring.  At least we got to see some cool little shops (not that we can afford them).  We ended our trick or treating at the 58th street library where Ana was able to play and read.  She also got a free book, a little draw string bag and a pencil.  I also managed to check out Dan Brown's new novel Origin, since the wait list at midtown is 300 holds long.

After all this we learned about the attack downtown and had to avoid the area.  We were lucky, I had planned to go back home via the WTC Path train so I'd avoid the crowds on the 33rd St Path.  I took the bus (you stay above ground when shit's going down), and on my transfer to the M42, we saw at least 20 or more emergency vehicles of all types passing all in a row.  The UN is at the East end of 42nd, so I don't know where they were going.  That's the one downfall to living in one of the most famous cities in the world, it can get crazy and incredibly dangerous.

I hope everyone had a great Samhain/Halloween.  Don't eat too much ๐Ÿฌ but do take a moment to thank those Witches who came before us.

Blessed Be!

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Why I Don't Want A House

No this isn't the millennial complaint of I can't afford a house, what I mean is not wanting, period, an actual physical stand alone house with a yard and a white picket fence.  Some people, usually much older adults who have downsized themselves understand where I'm coming from and agree with my decision, but it's everyone else who seems to think I'm nuts.  And I'm writing this to prove my point, so perhaps someone my age can look at this and say, yes, what she says is valid.

Now, some points Shadow and I agree on, others we have yet to come to an agreement, he grew up in actual houses, I only have lived in one as an adult.

In either case there are some points that regardless we need to consider, like the fact that we're both disabled and need to visit the doctor frequently.  This narrows our location options considerably.

Therefore, I must think like an older woman whose children have moved out and must care for not only my condition but my husband's as well.  So why not downsize from the very beginning?  Shadow and I both agree we don't want to deal with more than 750 to 800 square feet.  We want to be able to clean everything in one day and keep it moving.  Our stint in temporary housing also taught us that we don't need much and we don't have much left to fill a large space to begin with.

So we're certainly not going to get a house that small, but the issue is more than that.  It's the house itself.  Houses need work, houses require chores outside of the realm of my capabilities as well as Shadow's.  Who is going to clean the gutters, mow the lawn, prune the trees, shovel snow and all the other countless property work that must be done continuously?  We would have to pay a company to do all those things for us, which quite frankly is a waste of money.  This really is the main reason why larger houses had staff!  Even some of the houses here in Newark that have now been divided into multi family dwellings have servant quarters and stairs, usually the back ones that lead to the top floor which was not an attic.  One mother, no matter how much energy she had can not properly take care of over 2000 square feet.

Stairs is yet another reason why a house is out of the question.  I'm not climbing them just to get to my room, or going down them just to get to the laundry.  My knee is already damaged beyond repair and they will not replace it.  Which means why should I put myself in a position where I'm purposely putting more wear and tear on it?  I think not.

Living simply, efficiently, uncluttered and healthily are our main priorities.  And you would think that a small house upstate would fit that bill, but it doesn't.  Our health is important.  We want to be close to the best doctors and hospitals in the world, which we are, so why move away from that?  (Looking at you NYU Hospital for Joint Diseases)

Now that I've given what I don't want, here is what I do:

A small co-op or condo centrally located, where we can walk everywhere, like the pharmacy to get our meds, or to the farmers market to buy a shit ton of kale.  My kids are young, so I want to be able to walk no more than ten minutes to the park, or to their school.

I don't want to be higher than the 2nd or third floor of a building that has an elevator.  I want a co-op board that will approve my proposal for a Kohler walk in tub and to take out my kitchen cabinets to replace them with solid wood shelves with cast iron shelf brackets.  I also want to research flooring that is low impact on my joints.

There is a method to my madness.  I have psoriatic arthritis and whatever I can do to minimize my joint pain while living my day to day life, I'm going to try and do it.  These are things that Shadow and I have discussed and agreed on.  Why make our chronic pain filled lives more difficult?

Things need to be easy to clean and take care of, if we don't use something, than we don't need it.  Things that cause messes and clutter need to go.

Perhaps people can't see how sometimes I struggle with day to say tasks.  Maybe that's why they mostly dismiss my thoughts on housing, they're all house owners themselves, but they're also all able bodied.

I should probably start explaining it like this: where would you put your elderly mother who was sound of mind, fiercely independent but couldn't walk up stairs, and whose hands can no longer work the can opener?

I don't need an assisted living facility, I can't manage an entire house.  Thus a small cozy apartment is all I need and want to be comfortable.

Of course all this is just planning for right now.  Nothing is definite.  But I just needed to get this down on here since I was tired of people saying I'm stupid for not wanting a house.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Divided By Three

This isn't a post about the law of three or any such Wiccan or Pagan tenant.  This is personal and quite frankly it's taken me well over a month to post this, because I had to muster the strength to do so.

It is my family that is divided.  At the very moment that I type this, my son is at his father's house from Monday to Friday.  Shadow is in a men's shelter in Manhattan and I and our daughter are in an apartment in NJ where my parents are taking care of us till we get "back on our feet".

It's heartbreaking.  I had to get this out tonight because Shadow and I were nearly in tears as we separated and tried to say goodbye to our daughter who cried "no dada, come home".

Home is always where your family is.  It's not a physical location, it's the act of being together no matter where you are.  I want people to understand that.  Many pagans don't feel at home with their families because they just don't understand their spiritual beliefs.  I can't in good conscience call that a home.  To some people, school is a home.  It was to me for four years of highschool because I had my friends who truly loved me and cared for me.

When we grow up with such discordance, we vow to make our own homes, our own families, that will be loving and caring and way better than what we suffered through living with "them".

I did exactly that.  I was lucky to make a good home with my sister and my son while he was little.  Then Shadow became more than a friend and we made another home and added our daughter to really complete our family.

If you've read about our other adventures in Wiccan adulthood, then you know we have not been blessed in the health department the past two years and that's yet another reason why this is so difficult.

We've been through sickness and not much health, but it's each other that we lean on.  Our faith in the God and Goddess that we turn to.  My parents don't understand that.  They also don't understand the true extent of our respective illnesses and disabilities.

We're stuck in a very difficult place right now.  We both need to get better.  That's number one.  Second is taking care of our children.  Third is making the most of our time together because we only see each other once a week and even then, sometimes it's not all of us.

Since my son is older, I needn't worry about him too much.  I believe I have spoken about his ability to astral project before.  He often tells me how he visits me at night to check up on me.  One time, he even came into a dream, where I said, you're not supposed to be back yet, to which he replied, I know mommy, and drifted off giggling.  That's my son for you.  He's a bit of a trickster and we all love him so much.

Anyway, there were signs to today that things are looking up.  While getting off the train at Union Square, we happened upon a hematite bracelet, which we gave to our daughter to wear.  She is the link in our chain that keeps us bonded forever.  We prayed for this baby, we asked the Goddess to protect this baby, she is her father's whole world, just as my son is mine.  The other thing that happened was we saw Angel at his usual corner.  He is the gentleman and spiritual healer we purchase our crystals from.  He has often been in trouble with the police (for allegedly selling religious items which is against the law), so seeing him with his table full of crystals was a great and welcoming sign.

So that's where Shadow and I stand.  Separated by distance.

Blessed Be!

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Christians Living A Pagan/New Age Life Style

This bothers me, it gets on my nerves, I know it shouldn't but still, sometimes I just want to be really nasty and scream: those are our things!๐Ÿ˜ค

Essential oils, green living, crystals, you name it, but these are all the items that we as pagans subscribe to in our daily lives, minus one thing: the Bible.

I just don't get how a person who calls themselves Christian can openly use these new age items and still sit there and praise the Lord.๐Ÿ˜ฒ

Or, is it because they're on YouTube, where everyone wants viewers and subscribers, do they claim to be Christian when they're actually not?๐Ÿ˜•

Here is an example, on the comment section of one such Green non witchy vlogger, someone wrote that they didn't understand how people who say they follow the Bible can still eat "swine".  The Bible has loads of little rules that Christians don't follow but Muslims and Jews do, and yet it's all the same damn God and book!

So, how can you fill your home with items used by pagans and still call yourself a Christian?  I ask again.

Are you hiding your true pagan self because paganism still doesn't sell?

When I shop at Whole Foods in Manhattan, besides the yuppies who work in lower Manhattan, the people who fill the store are what one would call hippies.  Vegans who don't use deodorant, only wear organic cotton that's tie dyed, Birkenstocks, and are in their late 60's early 70's. They don't dye their greying hair, they eat raw veg, and actually enjoy hemp seeds as a snack.

You get the picture.  They wear crystals, they've seen some shit, did acid ๐Ÿ˜ต and still smoke copious amounts of kush ๐Ÿšฌ. They will be the first ones who tell you that God's a woman and we have to take care of Mother Earth.

This is why it thoroughly confuses the hell outta me and throws me off so badly when a Christian starts touting a green life style.

I'm gonna be a bitch here and say it's kinda cultural appropriation.  It's our shit and you can't have it.  Stick to your Jesus, his book, and stop mixing the two.

I don't know which makes me angrier, poser teens or these Christian green lifers! ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

I'm done ranting๐Ÿ˜ฐ, I know I'm supposed to be better than that, but it just really sucks, because we're still looked down upon, we're "evil", we "corrupt children", and everything else we do, that they don't.  They can use our things and not be judged, people tell them they're blessed and happy and Jesus loves them.

Do we need to take back our shit?  Or should we just let it go.  Cause I kinda don't want to.  What are your thoughts?

Blessed Be!

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Missing My Shadow

Shadow standing in front of Trump Tower on 5th Ave.

No, I'm not literally missing my shadow.(Isn't that a mark of vampires or some such being?  You already know how I feel about them.)

I'm missing Shadow, my man, my baby's daddy, my lover, my partner in crime (that oh so sexy bearded man pictured above) and fellow practitioner of the craft.

Last time, I was on vacation by myself with the kids (going to various doctors is a full time job for him and can't be missed) but I didn't miss him.  In fact I purposely said some mean words and a whole lot of other things because I was angry and upset and tired of feeling like I'm going to kiel over and die all the damn time. I was sick to death of him forgetting to use his CPAP machine, I was beyond angry at how one minute I couldn't walk and the next neither could he, on top of all my joints being severely swollen, his back causing him to scream in pain and fucking all else.  We've been through fucking hell ๐ŸŒ‹!

Nonetheless, I love him...๐Ÿ’

I love him, truly and deeply, and while yes it's nice to be away, it's annoying because we've never been on vacation together even though we've made plans several times (again, my auto immune disease and his spinal injury).

We also didn't want to go on the typical couples weekend away of sun and beach or a cruise or Las Vegas or something dumb like that.

We had bigger dreams, spiritual dreams, dreams only two highly seasoned Wiccans/Pagans can have!

Mother Fucking STONEHENGE.

Other places we've discussed:
Salem, MA (๐Ÿ”ฎDuh!)
Cairo, Egypt (too much turmoil)
Athens, Greece (my Homeland, which I shall rant about at a later date because it's a story so steeped in American stupidity that: forgettaboutit.)
San Francisco, CA (his home town๐Ÿš‹)
Arizona (Crystal๐Ÿ’Ž digging)
Williamsburg, Virginia (I like history ok?!)
Colorado (420 ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿšฌ)
Mohonk Mountain House in upstate NY (very specific and if you see pictures you'll understand it's a historians/paranormalphile/Pagan's drug of choice, even Anthony Bourdain has been there)

There are other places, but that's basically it.

One day we will get there.  When all has healed and we are in a settled place we shall go.

That's the whole shitty thing about this in sickness and in health crap.  You never know which end of the stick you'll get as a couple.  We were fucking slammed, Shanghaied, brutalized and left to rot with sickness.

Yet, we're alive.  We made it through the hurricane, Shadow (thank the Gods) isn't dead or paralyzed, he can walk with a cane even though his legs are partially numb.  I'm not in a wheelchair even though I was pretty damned close, but I'm left with damaged joints beyond repair.  We have faith yes and have done countless rituals, spells, healings and protections, but on the muggle side of things we still have to visit all the doctors (like I said before, a full time job for him) go to other appointments, do page after page of paperwork and still raise our kids and keep our place of understanding secure.

So when I get back to NYC, I'm going to hold him and hug him and love him and give him a giant kiss ๐Ÿ˜˜.

As soon as we're better and used to our new normal we're going to take that much earned trip with each other and fuck all else.

Blessed Be!

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

The Subway Preacher

I see them nearly everyday.  Often there are strings of them from different denominations of Christianity in one spot near the 7 on 42nd Street.

On 5th Ave near Bryant Park, there are a group of Chinese marchers yelling something unintelligible about Jesus.

In Forest Hills, on the corner of Queens Blvd and Continental, there are two Jews who have asked me if I was Jewish (I have honestly never been asked this, usually it's "are you Puerto Rican?" In Spanish).  The younger man handed me a card explaining some such Jewish thing while what I can only describe as the gaudiest of Israeli/Hebrew discotech music blared on a speaker.

I wanted to say something fresh, something degrading.  Like, something about their missing foreskins. Something like, did you know my people wouldn't let your people participate in the Olympic games because your glans were showing?!๐Ÿ˜‚. It's asinine and anti-Semitic.

Sometimes I want to tell the African ones that they need to stop worshiping a Caucasian Jew.

"Go back to your roots!" I want to yell.

"The white man brainwashed your brothers when they enslaved them!"

There are just so many good lines.

And this got me thinking.  What if, as a social experiment someone preached about African tribal Gods?

I thought it would make a very good short story at least.  So I may file it in the recesses of my mind and write it later.

People would get angry.  People love Jesus.

But would it make them stop and think?  Like really, truly soul searching contemplation.

I mean, I am one of those people who went back to my Gods.  The Greek pantheon who have lived on in "myths", but one could call the books of the Bible the exact same shit.  It's all allegory.

None of it is meant to be taken literally.

So how do these otherwise educated African immigrants start spewing this bullshit in the grimy tunnels of the New York City subway system?  Why come and save our souls?  Doesn't Christianity teach you to save those who are less fortunate?  Many peoples on the continent are on the brink of starvation.  Why preach to rich, obese Americans?  The poor New Yorkers who ride the subway aren't going to suddenly convert and save your kids!  It's our kids that need food, and Nike sneakers and the new thousand dollar iPad.

What makes them believe so fiercely in some dead Jewish man?  They spent years studying mathematics and literature and countless other topics, yet their minds seem so closed when all that knowledge should have expanded their thinking.

One day, there could be a man telling you that you're wrong.  That the God you worship snuck into your life forcefully, and that you as a depressed, downtrodden, neglected American need to meet the real Gods of your ancestors.  They have been forgotten for too long, and look what it got you?  Misery!  The cultures of the past were rich, thriving and learned. They all had one thing in common, their collapse after the white man came in preaching his "Savior".

His Jesus of Nazareth.  This Christ who had been resurrected.

Alithos Anesti!

Praise sent out in my mother tongue, an ancient language left mostly unaltered for thousands of years.

What is your vernacular?

Would you stand in a crowded hub and preach your true Gods?

Blessed Be!


Saturday, June 17, 2017

Wicca and People Who Are Going Through Puberty

Damn straight I'm writing this post.

I was a teenage Wiccan once.  Back when I was 13 as I've stated countless times before.  Back when the internet was just a suckling babe yet to be tainted by morons and crazies.  Yes there was porn, as viewing naked people is important for human satisfaction; pleasure predates time.

Back then, when we wanted to learn something, we went to the library and if the library didn't have what we wanted and we had a bit of cash, then we went to Barnes and Noble and purchased the title we wished to read.

We didn't go online asking complete strangers if they thought we were vampires or lycanthropes (that's wolf man in Greek people), because we knew what really went down in Wicca from the books we read.  Works composed by the very founders of our Neo Pagan religion.

Here's the thing kids: hormones fuck your body up.  You're emotional and feel out of place and awkward and are searching for some way to stand out from the pack of germ breeders.  You do not need to drink blood to survive, you don't feel something emerging during the full moon (girls, I may have to address this for you specifically later).  It's all estrogen and testosterone messing with other chemicals in your brain.  You're not thinking rationally.

Some of you may be rational and self actualized, and well that is bittersweet.  Because those of my friends and myself who were not thinking ourselves to be elves or wizards, had gone through some type of trauma in our lives. Thus, forcing our developing brains to mature and come to terms with reality prematurely.  So consider yourself lucky that you're going about this teenage business without having been shot at or dealing with a terrible illness.  Congratulations, if you really want to be a fairy at 13 then you're normal.

However, these beliefs do not excuse you from not doing research.  Erasing years of a previous religion is work!  But don't be lazy, please.  The internet is filled with idiots and then there are the 41 year old creepers who will say "oh you too, wow, I've been searching for so long for another (insert mythical being here), we have to chat!"

My children have been raised Wiccan and only know a bit about Greek Orthodoxy which I grew up on.  I still have to teach my son who is getting to be that age, to READ published books on the subject and not just pop into a chat room to ask any old schmuck religious questions.

My son doesn't believe he's a vampire or werewolf or merman and thank the Gods, he hasn't found some moron discussing breathaireanism (this is a thing, do not do it, it's medically impossible and I trust medicine because my ancestors who worshiped Zues also wrote the Hippocratic oath).

I can not stress this enough children.  Pick up a book.  I know your parents were idiots and gave you iPads instead of books, but please listen to this Mother Witch.  Read the classics.  Research the founders.  Hell, read up on what happens to the human brain during puberty so you have a better understanding of how you're thinking.

Wicca is a religion, we worship a God and Goddess or entire Pantheon.  Some of us practice witchcraft which is a practice steeped in thousands of years of human ritual.  These rituals gave our ancestors meaning and helped them commune with the divine, it helped them understand the seasons and the natural world around them.

I can put fairy wings on my daughter for a ritual, but she will know that her DNA is human and not that of the Fae.  My son can say that he likes his pointy vampire teeth but he knows that trying to drink blood can lead to HIV or hepatitis.

The world is a scary place sometimes but you don't need to be reckless.

Stay away from people who say they will teach you.  They can't unless you're 18.  This is law.

Stay away from people who say they are part (insert supernatural entity here).  They're not.  They're lying or if they truly believe that then there is something wrong with them psychologically.

Don't solicit yourself online.  Don't tell people your age, don't ask for teachers, don't ask to join covens or circles or other groups.  And certainly don't tell people where you live and give out your real name and number.  Do not use hangouts, because instead of a nice chat you're more than likely going to see a dick hanging out instead.

I enjoy giving advice but I don't deal in false hope.  Another common question I've seen on the communities lately is a spell for changing ones gender.  This is such a complex issue.  First off, no there isn't one.  Gender is who you are mentally, spiritually, psychologically.  This is NOT the same as sex.  Humans can have male external genitalia and know deep down inside them that they are a woman and enjoy those things which are typical of womanhood.  Spells can not change these things.  If you are dealing with these issues, then I want you to know it's OK.  The Gods don't care about any of that, but there are hotlines you can text and call and organizations that can help you.

So, now that we have a clear understanding that the alleged beast within is not forthcoming, I want you all to fucking meditate on this shit, like dead ass for realz yo.

Blessed Be, peace out, toodle-oo and because it's pride month: bye bye mein lieber herr! ๐Ÿ˜‰


Monday, June 5, 2017


The New Yorker recently published an article about #vanlife and the phenomenon of heavily curated lifestyles as depicted on social media. Naturally, I found it intriguing (not just because my mother always accused me of being a hippie) and posted a comment basically saying that I too would receive many likes and comments if I showed some side boob of myself in line at the food pantry.  

It really got me thinking, could I conceivably make my and Shadow's life look perfectly peaceful, beautiful and fulfilling even though we're in the system?

I believe the answer to be yes.

First of all, the couple in the article admitted that it takes many shots to get the perfect pic and that the ones which receive the most attention on their accounts feature a semi clad girlfriend basking in the sun on some pristine California beach.

Second, it's just a snippet of their life, they're not going to discuss the tire changes, insurance issues or the crime against the American road trip that are gas prices.  You as the viewer only see the lovely, the rainbow at the end of the storm, hell, the storm itself can be shot to be a beautiful thing lending much needed water to drought stricken Cali.

There is a formula to these things.

If I had a professional camera, or even an iPhone like I used to, I could get some very nice shots.  You know, totally glamorize seeing the social worker, or using my WIC checks to purchase Greek Yogurt and brown rice.  No one would ever see me struggling to do my day to day tasks as I suffer with very severe psoriatic arthritis, unless of course I gave a thumbs up and captioned it, "doing better today, I thank God everyday that He is watching over me and keeping me going."

See what I did there?

People eat that shit up.  And I don't know why.  Today on Fox 5, they ran a short bit about how Facebook and social media is making people depressed.

Well no shit it is, everyone posts their perfect lives, their beautiful kids who never have temper tantrums and their McMansion house that is always clean and well organized.  They're putting more energy into looking perfect than they are actually living.  But because no one is complaining about their broken dishwasher or their husband who favors his daughter over his gay son, the general viewing public only sees happy healthy families with good Christian values.

How would they view a Neo-Pagan family with two disabled parents and their adorable son and daughter.  I mean, just look at how fucking adorable my daughter is:

She's so happy in her new dress that I hand knit for her despite the painful arthritis in my hands.  I'm so thankful to God for the green grass and trees and the roof we have over our heads.

It just eats at your heart strings don't it?

The point I'm trying to make is that it's all bullshit.  Yes, you can work hard for a good life, or be lucky and be given one, but for the most part there are ups and downs, sickness and turmoil, all that shit some of you vowed during your weddings, life is not a piece of organic vanilla bean buttercream frosted cake!

However... and this is the evil, sinister Spiral speaking here, you can make other people's lives miserable by making your own seem perfect.

Let's go back to my WIC checks.  There are many middle class families that can't afford to buy their kids Chobani yogurt when Dannon or Yoplait is on sale 10 for 10 at Stop and Shop.  If I posted a "WIC Haul" on a given platform, it could potentially make people angry that their tax dollars are going to feed my daughter expensive yogurt while I sit on my ass and allegedly recover from a terrible inflammatory illness.  Others may comment things like, "thank God you and your family have a place to live", or "I'm wishing you so much good health as you fight this painful disease".

It seems to me, that there is no in-between.  There is no, "here is my mediocre life, it's just like yours but you refuse to see it."

Some people are sadists and thrive on other people's misery.  Is that the key to creating one's brand?  Being just enough of a sociopath to say, "oh man this is totally going to rip them a new one when they see my girl's new ride" or the free swag we got as endorsements or whatever the kids are saying and getting these days.

As a social experiment I would love to just sit back and see what happens. Create the hashtag #shelterlife and watch the chaos unfold.

Would this give me more or less credit as a Wiccan mom, would it elevate me to some wonderful social media deity status?

Who knows.

It would just be interesting to see, purely because it's absolutely ridiculous.  No one should be glamorizing life in an NYC shelter.

But, I could.

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Week 3 of Free Books

Saturday was once again a day to spend with our wonderful little boy Dino.  We took him to story time again, which is mostly for Ana, but he likes sitting next to her too.

This is the book we got:

This was always a winter favorite for my students in preschool.

After story time, we stayed up in the overlook to play games, they have Scrabble, mancala, Uno, checkers, chess, and connect 4.  Scrabble is Shadow's absolute favotire, and he always asks why we don't have it.  I find it boring, plus, while I possess a rich and colorful vocabulary, spelling isn't exactly my strong suit.

Our dearest Dino is still a little saddened that he can't get his free skate yet.  He needs to do an activity at the library too.  Then I'll have Sasa meet us and she can get on the ice with him since we also get a free adult skate too.

I didn't get to take out a new book this week, but I have a growing list of titles I want to read.  We had to get to Newark to Ninkie's birthday party.  It was a nice little gathering, Ana got to wear her new pinafore, but I still haven't been able to take a decent picture of her in it.  I couldn't even get a good pic of Athena in her birthday dress.

That's Tristan in the background, who loves Dino and calls him his brother.  That's his grandmother on the couch, my sister's mother in law.  They're from Queens too, so we get along great.  They're hoping to move back soon, which would be awesome so the kids can see each other more.  I kinda also wish Sasa was still in Brooklyn, Dino loved walking across the bridge to visit her at Pratt.

The only other thing I've been working on this week besides doctors appointments and social services meetings is a knitted bag.  I have the first piece done, so I just need to make an identicle piece, sew it and line it with fabric that I already purchased.  It's way smaller than anticipated so I'm just going to use it as a stroller bag to pop in some wipes and a couple of diapers for quick outings.  Ana has been going to the potty more and more so hopefully by her 2nd birthday she'll be completely trained.

This is the finished front:

I've already cast on for the back.  After this, I guess I'll choose the yarn for Dino's birthday present.  He said he wanted a scarf like mine or fingerless mitts.  I think he'll like the mitts better since they're more ninja/assassin/bad ass dude-ish.

Tomorrow is Imbolc and we're going to try and take Ana to toddler story time.  I say try because aparently their is a line for it each week, and not everyone gets to go into the session.

Then, it's back home to make chick pea stew.  Soaked sprouted beans are an excellent dish for Imbolc.  I'll have to remember to take pictures to write about it tomorrow.


Wednesday, January 25, 2017

This Week's Reads

Man, I hope the grammar in that title is correct...

I neglected to write about this week's reading adventure.  We have 6 more weeks of story time at Bryant park.  This was the book we received on the 21st:

Ana sat for the entire thing, which is was awesome.  I think it's because the cover reminded her of Dino and his little blue chair.  I think he'll get a real kick our of it when he sees it.  Unfortunately we weren't able to pick him up this weekend due to the birth of his other baby sister.  Poor kid, surrounded by little girls, all with 'A' names too.  Actually, a really bizarre anecdote from several years ago, long before I became pregnant with Ana.  Dino's father told me that he and his wife would like to use the name Anastasia if they ever had a girl.  I had that name, specifically Anastasia Selene picked out from when I was about 16 for my kids!  Granted I think this was about the time that Fifty Shades of Gray was popular, so many baby girls were being named Anastasia.  I still to this day don't know how to feel about him saying that to me.  Weirded out?  I don't know.  Anastasia is a Greek name and I have an aunt that goes by Thea Tasia.  Anyway, I didn't plan to write about this specifically, but it's one of those memories that just sticks with you.

Ugh... memories.

This is the book I chose this week, which is so far very interesting.  I love historical fiction.

I have yet to finish it.  But, I have a list of titles I want to check out next.  Including a book on Traditional British Witchcraft, which I've been meaning to read about for some time.

Our Saturday at the library and story time was lovely.  We ate soup and a sandwich from Pret a Manger in the park and Ana laughed as tourists, who don't know they shouldn't feed the pigeons, were attacked by said pigeons after feeding them some French fries.

The weather was beautiful which was especially good for all the protestors out and about marching near us.  I wish I had taken pictures, the signs were so creative and many were beyond hilarious.  There were tons of kids there and I realized too late that I could have made some money months ago by knitting pink pussy hats.  Even men were wearing them.  There was an alleged pink yarn shortage reported throughout the fiber art community.  Oh well, I wouldn't have been able to make them quickly enough anyway with my fingers becoming stiffer as the Stellar fades.

Oh, and for those keeping track, just me I suppose, no Shadow did not finish reading his book on Obama and I returned it.  He said he read some but when I inquired as to what it was about he was unable to tell me.  Well my dear, next time stay away from political books.  

To be fair, the books that Shadow is truly interested in cannot be taken out.  They are research only in the main branch.  Many of the books I have wanted to look up, including books on witchcraft and Greek orthodoxy, are research titles only as well.

Yesterday, after collaborating on the blog post, he suggested we write a book.  Many people have suggested I write a book.  I have in fact written books, they're just not published.  Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm not good enough, or that some of my work is too dark.  I've been banned from websites for posting stories containing rape. 

A book on witchcraft would of course, be different.  Most books are geared towards the solitary, there aren't many dealing with couples magick, and sex magick is mostly centered on "The Great Rite", which leaves out non heterosexual couples.  The release of power with an orgasm is possibly the main focal point, but how you get there, the build up of sexual energy is up to you regardless of which body parts you possess.

That is definitely something I would write about in a book as so many LGBT people come to Wicca because we don't have a Bible saying that where you stick your dick is a sin.

Anyway, it's an idea to contemplate.  Certainly I won't be able to truly devote my energy to it until my health is under control.  Writing a blog is one thing, but composing a meaningful work that you can be proud of is a whole other story, hence why I haven't written or posted any short stories and my novel "The Priest" is on hiatus.

For right now, I think I'm fine with relaying my day to day activities, you know for all those people who Google me that I no longer talk to (even my ex, has admitted to looking those people up and Lord knows he's probably read this blog).  I mean really, the jokes on them, I'm homeless, have another baby out of wedlock, can't work because my autoimmune disease is running rampant and I do old lady things.  Furthermore, only one was allegedly pagan, and according to my sister, he had stalked me in real life!  Therefore, for all you Christians, you're commuting a sin by reading about the life of a witch. 

But really, I'm fine. ๐Ÿ˜

Blessed Be
)) O ((

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

For Those Just Starting Their Path

I've been studying Wicca and Witchcraft since I was 13 years old.  Even as a teenager, I received emails or messages, asking how to start out, what to read, what to buy, I need spells, help me, teach me!

When you've trotted down this path as long as I have, you know that you're in a constant state of learning, but early on, you quickly find what works for you and what doesn't.  I have been doing picture magick for as long as I can remember, I also used to "read" my cereal as a child.  I still do these, because they work, period.

I'm one of those new age hippies who believes that magick is innate in everyone, it's just a matter of what form you chose to use it in.  Christian prayer is a form of magick, the many rituals of Judiasm are magick, we just don't call it that.

When a witch does a spell, it can be likened to a prayer.  I'll use Greek Othodoxy as an example, since I grew up Eastern Orthodox, and many of the prayers and rituals and items we use can be traced back to ancient times.  If I go to church, and my knee hurts, I will leave an amulet of a knee at the altar.  That is the part of my body I want to heal, so a metal knee amulet is the representation of my intent.  In the church, it's simply a healing prayer, incense and candles are still used, and words are spoken about my painful knee.  The same things translate to witchcraft, I have an amulet, in my case, a drawing of my knee, a candle, incense and I will ask Asclepius instead of Jesus or His father to help heal my knee.


It's the same damn shit, just different named Gods.

Shadow and I like to say that all paths lead to God, She or He just has many faces.

You don't even need to be religious to cast spells.  Don't confuse the two.  I'm not religious in the least, but I do quite a lot of spell work.  I am a Wiccan Witch, but not all Witches are Wiccan.  Shadow is not Wiccan and simply says he is "of the old religion".  Witchcraft, is just as it sounds, a craft, one must practice it, hone your skills.  I can tell you what works for me and Shadow, but it might not work for you.  Teenagers, especially don't like to hear this.  They want spells and they want them fast, the impatient twats!

So, then, do your spell.

But wait, you don't have any supplies, no herbs, no incense, can't burn your moms expensive Yankee candles, cause she might kill you, you can't order an athame cause you're a minor, blah, blah blah.  You don't need any of that.  And yes, this is coming from a person who as the other half of a couple owns a very extensive altar set up.

It's all smoke and mirrors (sometimes literally).

Right now, my stuff is packed up sitting in a basement in stinky old Jersey, and I am still doing magick, I don't need any of it, because as I said, it's innate in me.

I can simply use my mind to manifest what I want.  If I want my knee to stop beating the crap out of me, then I think to my knee, stop it, I need to walk, and imagine it engulfed in blue healing energy, while the nasty inflammation drips out as a black sludge back into the earth to be filtered.  (It also helps to have a man with large strong hands to massage it, but don't go out searching for manly witch yet.)


I didn't need to go to church or my altar, I didn't even need to light a candle or speak any words out loud.  No one ever needs to know that you have just done a spell.  I can go right now and take the E train and in my mind's eye, perform an entire ritual to make apartment hunting easier for myself and Shadow.  I promise you, with practice, it'll become second nature.

Now, for all you seekers out there, looking to find out the truth, and want all the "secrets and ancient knowledge", I give you this, go to the library, or online if your prefer, and READ.  I've been studying my craft since 1998.  I'm always reading, whether it's a printed book or perhaps someone else's blog. Just take in the information.  Here are some of my favorite resourses:

This is one of my all time favorite websites for study:
If you're looking for pagans in your area: The Witches' Voice
Shadow recommends: Crystal Links

Here are some books to start you off with:
Raymond Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft
Wicca: A guide for the solitary practioner by Scott Cunnigham
The Witches Bible by Janet and Stewart Farrar
The Spiral Dance by Starhawk
Drawing Down The Moon by Margot Adler

Hell, take the time to read Silver Raven Wolf as well.  I'm not going into the controversy about her, but either you love her or hate her.

Look up Gerald Gardner, THE grandfather of modern Wicca.

Or, better yet, I highly recommend this video on YouTube, a documentary by an actual professor who is British, so you know he knows his shit:

Go forth and be the witch you've always wanted to be.

Blessed Be!

)) O ((

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Having Fun Isn't Hard, When You Got A Library Card

These words of course, are the very wise lyrics to Arthur the aardvark's beloved library song.

This is one of the most important cards you can carry in your wallet as a low income resident of NYC, I just got mine last Saturday, and I am very pleased. There are tons of programs, online material, events, and most importantly: books that are available to me.  It's invaluable, but you have to take advantage of it!  It's all free!  They even have a toddler class for my daughter, which is pretty sweet, especially in a city where toddler classes can easily run into the thousands.

I checked out one book.  I haven't read a book since the summer of 2014 before I became pregnant.  I suffer from terrible pregnancy brain.  It happened with Dino and again with Ana, and it lasts well past the year they're born, when I am still nursing, and thus hormones continue to mess with my concentration.  I can follow a knitting pattern no problem, but ask me to read a book and I found that I was reading the same sentence over and over and was unable to retain the information that I read, even if it was my beloved Shelock Holmes.

This is the book I took out, and have finished reading.  I really enjoyed it.  It was an excellent departure from reading "literature", where there is more that meets the eye and professors want you to discuss it.  I, being the voracious reader that I am, was the only one who was able to finish reading any of the books as I had a very long commute to and from the Village.

That is a baby foot.  

I have a fondness for Murder, She Wrote.  I drink tea and knit while watching it.  I'm quite the old lady.  I once saw an interview where Rupaul admitted to watching as well before he turned in for the night. I saw him driving in SoHo, with the most fashionable of hats on in a vintage car.  That is the epitome of true class, being proud of who you are, and indulging in simple mystery tv shows.

This is the book that Shadow took out:

I don't pretend to understand politics.  I read the inside of the jacket, and I wasn't going to try to re read it to even attempt to comprehend what the premise is.  Shadow, has yet to start reading it.  I'm not even going there...

Just outside the library in Bryant Park, we came across a free program that will allow kids to skate for free after they attend all the story times each Saturday for 8 weeks.  Dino already has two stamps.  We also received a free book.  A nice hardcover picture book too!  It's all sponsored by Penguin and Random House and all totally free.

Finally, I leave with you a picture of my two beautiful children at story time, who enjoy reading and books as much as their dear mother does.  We will continue to go to story time, and the library together and see what other free programs are available to my darling little monkeys.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Resolutions for Knitting

In coming to the shelter, I have naturally had to pair down my possessions to only the most basic of daily items.  So along with toothpaste and organic coconut oil (seriously I need to write just about that, but it'll get x rated), my daily necessities include knitting implements.

I've been knitting since I was 5.  I was a precocious child, or more specifically, my mother needed to shut me up.  For 20 or more years I've been collecting various knitting accoutrements.  I have vintage or perhaps antique needles given to me by my son's grandmother on his father's side (is that the best way to say that?), as well as bamboo, aluminum, laminated birch, plastic, interchangeable, straights, double pointed, and just soooo much stuff that goes with all of that.

Obviously, I could not bring all of that with me, and the reality is, a knitter (some of whom would perhaps stab me for writing this) does not need all that stuff.  I've managed to create a small pouch of basic items that will not only get me through international security and TSA, but fulfill all my knitting needs.

 What you are looking at is, a basic set of Denise interchangeables, scissors and crochet hook from a broken The Knit Kit, a few locking stitch markers, and a tape measure from Lion Brand, which I have an abundance of that I've never had to pay for.  

That's it.

As for yarn, I've had to downgrade my "stash" as well.  Basically, I no longer have one.  First of all, I had to throw out the few balls I had left.  They were wool, and they had been eaten by carpet beetles while living at my parents house (apparently the damn things eat wood too, there weren't any carpets there).  Second, and this is where the resolution part comes in, I'm no longer going to buy yarn just to add to a stash.

I wrote a comment addressing this on the Lion Brand blog, and I've mulled over it even more.  I'm going to choose my projects with a bit more care, and buy the yarn specifically and only for that project, cast on and finish, then, not buy more yarn until I have finished the previous project.  I've been doing this since November, and it works very well.  

I use the needles and immplements that I have and don't need more.  Not needing that huge box of things is very freeing, no extra anything, and it's pretty cool.  

I'm not missing out on anything, I just finished a sweater, from a vintage pattern nonetheless.

All those things aren't necessary. 

Now, the only yarn I have on hand are 5 balls of Paton's Glam Stripes, that I managed to snatch up at the Dollar Tree.  I'm making my daughter a pinafore as they were all the rage in the Beatrix Potter books worn by cats and Jemima Puddle Duck.

So, can I still to my resolution?  I have been thus far, and will continue to do so.

This experience of living at the shelter is such a great time to learn how to live with less. Much less, and more importantly, learn to appreciate the things I have and not take them for granted.  The one thing I learned by living in Greece was that Americans simply have too much stuff, and look at us, we're unhealthy, over weight, and all we seem to care about is that golden American Dream that seems to more often lead to heart attack and stroke than it does to a beautiful house and nice car.  

I'm not giving into it anymore.  I've already thrown out more than half my possessions, and once we get permanent housing, I plan on throwing out even more, because I don't need it.  I'm going to sit down with Shadow and perfectly curate a collection of personal belongings that is not only meaniful, but useful in our day to day existence.

With that said, I'm going to enjoy a cup of green jasmine tea and continue my knitting.