Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Why One Shouldn't Troll The Pagan Community


I shouldn't be writing this.  It should be self explanatory, but trolls aren't exactly the brightest crayons in the box.

Many Pagans practice Witchcraft.

Some, are Wiccan and must abide the rule of three as well as the major tenant "an it harm none".

Keeping those two things in mind, we practice magick and some of us don't follow the above.

With this information, why, oh why would you choose to harass a bunch of witches?

The Wiccan may say, turn the other cheek, or try to feed the correct info, and then there are the others who may or may not cast something on your account and in turn: you; simply because you pissed them off.

Harassing us is not safe.

Yes, this is a threat, no we aren't all light and love, and you should know this. I'm not talking out of my ass here.

Like seriously.  We can bind you, or curse you (I'm Greek, my entire religion relies on curses with the help of the Gods), some may do worse.

And yet, you find it fun to bother us.  The one community that can psychically kick your ass.

Good for you for being dumb, especially if you're 12.  I get it, the kids at school make fun of you.  You're a geek, you like anime and you're obese.  Fine, whatever, but, it's not ok to take your anger out on us.

When one dons the mask of the internet, you are given power.  Power that you probably don't have at school.  So why use that power to fuck with a bunch of people who could do some serious harm?  Why not use that power to fuck with people that need to be fucked with?

The following is a list of people that in my opinion need some serious trolling:

Donald Trump (an exceptionally easy target)
Republicans
Mormons
Pedophiles (this is the most fun)
Vegans (sorry, but not sorry)
Hipsters (especially the rich ones who insist on looking homeless while drinking six dollar coffee).

The list could go on.

Just leave us alone.  It's that simple.

Or else, you're gonna fucking regret it.

We worship thousands of different deities.

Capeesh?


Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Samhain 2017

Shadow and Ana on Halloween.

Perhaps this post will give you an idea of what it's like celebrating Samhain as a pagan family.  Many of you are solitary or hoping that once you are in a relationship that you will have a partner in crime so to speak.

We don't live this life glamorously.  It seems that Witchcraft is "in" again and that means so is black lipstick, nails and skulls on book cases.  All that stuff is fun, I'm typing this right now with deep plum nails, but that stuff's not important. What is important for us is our family.  Celebrating together, spending time together while taking time to acknowledging our ancestors, Witches before us, as well as the Gods and Goddesses.

We're not the most devout or spiritual people on the planet, but we left Christianity for a reason.  Holidays turned too commercial, all about money and with too much pressure to appear perfect.

Shadow and I are not perfect.  Far from it, and that's ok.  We get candle wax everywhere during spells, we spill essential oils, and on some Sabbaths, we haven't done anything at all.  That too is ok.

This year, with our family separated, we did the best we could with the resources we have.  Our daughter had three days of fun and candy and dressing up, and now we're all Halloweened out.

For a family like us who is living with very little cash, free things are a blessing.  If you have kids or when you do, search local events that are free.  We're lucky that we live so close to NYC where there is an abundance of free or low cost programs.

Our Halloween celebration actually started last week.  The M&M company gives out free costumes and treat bags every year at the rec center here in Newark.  My son isn't here during the week so it was just me and Ana, but I managed to get a treat bag for him anyway.


Ana in her new fairy costume.


Our next free event Dino was home for, so we traveled to Belleville for an event that we have gone to for three years in a row now.  It's completely free, and the kids each get a pumpkin, snacks, popcorn, hot cocoa and can play on a few bouncy rides.  Here is Dino helping Ana climb one:



I wasn't able to get a costume for Dino, but using some basic makeup I did a simple dead/zombie/skull face.  (I do not recommend Katy Perry's CoverGirl eyeliner, it's just not great.)



The third and final free event was in East Midtown.  There, we met up with Shadow and were given bags, a map and other little treats.  Ana was able to get her face painted and we got free photo booth pictures.

Walking around the neighborhood was fun but tiring.  At least we got to see some cool little shops (not that we can afford them).  We ended our trick or treating at the 58th street library where Ana was able to play and read.  She also got a free book, a little draw string bag and a pencil.  I also managed to check out Dan Brown's new novel Origin, since the wait list at midtown is 300 holds long.

After all this we learned about the attack downtown and had to avoid the area.  We were lucky, I had planned to go back home via the WTC Path train so I'd avoid the crowds on the 33rd St Path.  I took the bus (you stay above ground when shit's going down), and on my transfer to the M42, we saw at least 20 or more emergency vehicles of all types passing all in a row.  The UN is at the East end of 42nd, so I don't know where they were going.  That's the one downfall to living in one of the most famous cities in the world, it can get crazy and incredibly dangerous.

I hope everyone had a great Samhain/Halloween.  Don't eat too much ๐Ÿฌ but do take a moment to thank those Witches who came before us.

Blessed Be!
๐ŸŒ›๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒœ




Saturday, October 28, 2017

Why I Don't Want A House


No this isn't the millennial complaint of I can't afford a house, what I mean is not wanting, period, an actual physical stand alone house with a yard and a white picket fence.  Some people, usually much older adults who have downsized themselves understand where I'm coming from and agree with my decision, but it's everyone else who seems to think I'm nuts.  And I'm writing this to prove my point, so perhaps someone my age can look at this and say, yes, what she says is valid.

Now, some points Shadow and I agree on, others we have yet to come to an agreement, he grew up in actual houses, I only have lived in one as an adult.

In either case there are some points that regardless we need to consider, like the fact that we're both disabled and need to visit the doctor frequently.  This narrows our location options considerably.

Therefore, I must think like an older woman whose children have moved out and must care for not only my condition but my husband's as well.  So why not downsize from the very beginning?  Shadow and I both agree we don't want to deal with more than 750 to 800 square feet.  We want to be able to clean everything in one day and keep it moving.  Our stint in temporary housing also taught us that we don't need much and we don't have much left to fill a large space to begin with.

So we're certainly not going to get a house that small, but the issue is more than that.  It's the house itself.  Houses need work, houses require chores outside of the realm of my capabilities as well as Shadow's.  Who is going to clean the gutters, mow the lawn, prune the trees, shovel snow and all the other countless property work that must be done continuously?  We would have to pay a company to do all those things for us, which quite frankly is a waste of money.  This really is the main reason why larger houses had staff!  Even some of the houses here in Newark that have now been divided into multi family dwellings have servant quarters and stairs, usually the back ones that lead to the top floor which was not an attic.  One mother, no matter how much energy she had can not properly take care of over 2000 square feet.

Stairs is yet another reason why a house is out of the question.  I'm not climbing them just to get to my room, or going down them just to get to the laundry.  My knee is already damaged beyond repair and they will not replace it.  Which means why should I put myself in a position where I'm purposely putting more wear and tear on it?  I think not.

Living simply, efficiently, uncluttered and healthily are our main priorities.  And you would think that a small house upstate would fit that bill, but it doesn't.  Our health is important.  We want to be close to the best doctors and hospitals in the world, which we are, so why move away from that?  (Looking at you NYU Hospital for Joint Diseases)

Now that I've given what I don't want, here is what I do:

A small co-op or condo centrally located, where we can walk everywhere, like the pharmacy to get our meds, or to the farmers market to buy a shit ton of kale.  My kids are young, so I want to be able to walk no more than ten minutes to the park, or to their school.

I don't want to be higher than the 2nd or third floor of a building that has an elevator.  I want a co-op board that will approve my proposal for a Kohler walk in tub and to take out my kitchen cabinets to replace them with solid wood shelves with cast iron shelf brackets.  I also want to research flooring that is low impact on my joints.

There is a method to my madness.  I have psoriatic arthritis and whatever I can do to minimize my joint pain while living my day to day life, I'm going to try and do it.  These are things that Shadow and I have discussed and agreed on.  Why make our chronic pain filled lives more difficult?

Things need to be easy to clean and take care of, if we don't use something, than we don't need it.  Things that cause messes and clutter need to go.

Perhaps people can't see how sometimes I struggle with day to say tasks.  Maybe that's why they mostly dismiss my thoughts on housing, they're all house owners themselves, but they're also all able bodied.

I should probably start explaining it like this: where would you put your elderly mother who was sound of mind, fiercely independent but couldn't walk up stairs, and whose hands can no longer work the can opener?

I don't need an assisted living facility, I can't manage an entire house.  Thus a small cozy apartment is all I need and want to be comfortable.

Of course all this is just planning for right now.  Nothing is definite.  But I just needed to get this down on here since I was tired of people saying I'm stupid for not wanting a house.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Divided By Three




This isn't a post about the law of three or any such Wiccan or Pagan tenant.  This is personal and quite frankly it's taken me well over a month to post this, because I had to muster the strength to do so.

It is my family that is divided.  At the very moment that I type this, my son is at his father's house from Monday to Friday.  Shadow is in a men's shelter in Manhattan and I and our daughter are in an apartment in NJ where my parents are taking care of us till we get "back on our feet".

It's heartbreaking.  I had to get this out tonight because Shadow and I were nearly in tears as we separated and tried to say goodbye to our daughter who cried "no dada, come home".

Home is always where your family is.  It's not a physical location, it's the act of being together no matter where you are.  I want people to understand that.  Many pagans don't feel at home with their families because they just don't understand their spiritual beliefs.  I can't in good conscience call that a home.  To some people, school is a home.  It was to me for four years of highschool because I had my friends who truly loved me and cared for me.

When we grow up with such discordance, we vow to make our own homes, our own families, that will be loving and caring and way better than what we suffered through living with "them".

I did exactly that.  I was lucky to make a good home with my sister and my son while he was little.  Then Shadow became more than a friend and we made another home and added our daughter to really complete our family.

If you've read about our other adventures in Wiccan adulthood, then you know we have not been blessed in the health department the past two years and that's yet another reason why this is so difficult.

We've been through sickness and not much health, but it's each other that we lean on.  Our faith in the God and Goddess that we turn to.  My parents don't understand that.  They also don't understand the true extent of our respective illnesses and disabilities.

We're stuck in a very difficult place right now.  We both need to get better.  That's number one.  Second is taking care of our children.  Third is making the most of our time together because we only see each other once a week and even then, sometimes it's not all of us.

Since my son is older, I needn't worry about him too much.  I believe I have spoken about his ability to astral project before.  He often tells me how he visits me at night to check up on me.  One time, he even came into a dream, where I said, you're not supposed to be back yet, to which he replied, I know mommy, and drifted off giggling.  That's my son for you.  He's a bit of a trickster and we all love him so much.

Anyway, there were signs to today that things are looking up.  While getting off the train at Union Square, we happened upon a hematite bracelet, which we gave to our daughter to wear.  She is the link in our chain that keeps us bonded forever.  We prayed for this baby, we asked the Goddess to protect this baby, she is her father's whole world, just as my son is mine.  The other thing that happened was we saw Angel at his usual corner.  He is the gentleman and spiritual healer we purchase our crystals from.  He has often been in trouble with the police (for allegedly selling religious items which is against the law), so seeing him with his table full of crystals was a great and welcoming sign.

So that's where Shadow and I stand.  Separated by distance.

Blessed Be!
๐ŸŒ›๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒœ




Thursday, August 3, 2017

Christians Living A Pagan/New Age Life Style



This bothers me, it gets on my nerves, I know it shouldn't but still, sometimes I just want to be really nasty and scream: those are our things!๐Ÿ˜ค

Essential oils, green living, crystals, you name it, but these are all the items that we as pagans subscribe to in our daily lives, minus one thing: the Bible.

I just don't get how a person who calls themselves Christian can openly use these new age items and still sit there and praise the Lord.๐Ÿ˜ฒ

Or, is it because they're on YouTube, where everyone wants viewers and subscribers, do they claim to be Christian when they're actually not?๐Ÿ˜•

Here is an example, on the comment section of one such Green non witchy vlogger, someone wrote that they didn't understand how people who say they follow the Bible can still eat "swine".  The Bible has loads of little rules that Christians don't follow but Muslims and Jews do, and yet it's all the same damn God and book!

So, how can you fill your home with items used by pagans and still call yourself a Christian?  I ask again.

Are you hiding your true pagan self because paganism still doesn't sell?

When I shop at Whole Foods in Manhattan, besides the yuppies who work in lower Manhattan, the people who fill the store are what one would call hippies.  Vegans who don't use deodorant, only wear organic cotton that's tie dyed, Birkenstocks, and are in their late 60's early 70's. They don't dye their greying hair, they eat raw veg, and actually enjoy hemp seeds as a snack.

You get the picture.  They wear crystals, they've seen some shit, did acid ๐Ÿ˜ต and still smoke copious amounts of kush ๐Ÿšฌ. They will be the first ones who tell you that God's a woman and we have to take care of Mother Earth.

This is why it thoroughly confuses the hell outta me and throws me off so badly when a Christian starts touting a green life style.

I'm gonna be a bitch here and say it's kinda cultural appropriation.  It's our shit and you can't have it.  Stick to your Jesus, his book, and stop mixing the two.

I don't know which makes me angrier, poser teens or these Christian green lifers! ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

I'm done ranting๐Ÿ˜ฐ, I know I'm supposed to be better than that, but it just really sucks, because we're still looked down upon, we're "evil", we "corrupt children", and everything else we do, that they don't.  They can use our things and not be judged, people tell them they're blessed and happy and Jesus loves them.

Do we need to take back our shit?  Or should we just let it go.  Cause I kinda don't want to.  What are your thoughts?

Blessed Be!
๐ŸŒ›๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒœ


Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Missing My Shadow

Shadow standing in front of Trump Tower on 5th Ave.


No, I'm not literally missing my shadow.(Isn't that a mark of vampires or some such being?  You already know how I feel about them.)

I'm missing Shadow, my man, my baby's daddy, my lover, my partner in crime (that oh so sexy bearded man pictured above) and fellow practitioner of the craft.

Last time, I was on vacation by myself with the kids (going to various doctors is a full time job for him and can't be missed) but I didn't miss him.  In fact I purposely said some mean words and a whole lot of other things because I was angry and upset and tired of feeling like I'm going to kiel over and die all the damn time. I was sick to death of him forgetting to use his CPAP machine, I was beyond angry at how one minute I couldn't walk and the next neither could he, on top of all my joints being severely swollen, his back causing him to scream in pain and fucking all else.  We've been through fucking hell ๐ŸŒ‹!

Nonetheless, I love him...๐Ÿ’

I love him, truly and deeply, and while yes it's nice to be away, it's annoying because we've never been on vacation together even though we've made plans several times (again, my auto immune disease and his spinal injury).

We also didn't want to go on the typical couples weekend away of sun and beach or a cruise or Las Vegas or something dumb like that.

We had bigger dreams, spiritual dreams, dreams only two highly seasoned Wiccans/Pagans can have!

Mother Fucking STONEHENGE.

Other places we've discussed:
Salem, MA (๐Ÿ”ฎDuh!)
Cairo, Egypt (too much turmoil)
Athens, Greece (my Homeland, which I shall rant about at a later date because it's a story so steeped in American stupidity that: forgettaboutit.)
San Francisco, CA (his home town๐Ÿš‹)
Arizona (Crystal๐Ÿ’Ž digging)
Williamsburg, Virginia (I like history ok?!)
Colorado (420 ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿšฌ)
Mohonk Mountain House in upstate NY (very specific and if you see pictures you'll understand it's a historians/paranormalphile/Pagan's drug of choice, even Anthony Bourdain has been there)

There are other places, but that's basically it.

One day we will get there.  When all has healed and we are in a settled place we shall go.

That's the whole shitty thing about this in sickness and in health crap.  You never know which end of the stick you'll get as a couple.  We were fucking slammed, Shanghaied, brutalized and left to rot with sickness.

Yet, we're alive.  We made it through the hurricane, Shadow (thank the Gods) isn't dead or paralyzed, he can walk with a cane even though his legs are partially numb.  I'm not in a wheelchair even though I was pretty damned close, but I'm left with damaged joints beyond repair.  We have faith yes and have done countless rituals, spells, healings and protections, but on the muggle side of things we still have to visit all the doctors (like I said before, a full time job for him) go to other appointments, do page after page of paperwork and still raise our kids and keep our place of understanding secure.

So when I get back to NYC, I'm going to hold him and hug him and love him and give him a giant kiss ๐Ÿ˜˜.

As soon as we're better and used to our new normal we're going to take that much earned trip with each other and fuck all else.

Blessed Be!
๐ŸŒ›๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒœ



Tuesday, June 20, 2017

The Subway Preacher



I see them nearly everyday.  Often there are strings of them from different denominations of Christianity in one spot near the 7 on 42nd Street.

On 5th Ave near Bryant Park, there are a group of Chinese marchers yelling something unintelligible about Jesus.

In Forest Hills, on the corner of Queens Blvd and Continental, there are two Jews who have asked me if I was Jewish (I have honestly never been asked this, usually it's "are you Puerto Rican?" In Spanish).  The younger man handed me a card explaining some such Jewish thing while what I can only describe as the gaudiest of Israeli/Hebrew discotech music blared on a speaker.

I wanted to say something fresh, something degrading.  Like, something about their missing foreskins. Something like, did you know my people wouldn't let your people participate in the Olympic games because your glans were showing?!๐Ÿ˜‚. It's asinine and anti-Semitic.

Sometimes I want to tell the African ones that they need to stop worshiping a Caucasian Jew.

"Go back to your roots!" I want to yell.

"The white man brainwashed your brothers when they enslaved them!"

There are just so many good lines.

And this got me thinking.  What if, as a social experiment someone preached about African tribal Gods?

I thought it would make a very good short story at least.  So I may file it in the recesses of my mind and write it later.

People would get angry.  People love Jesus.

But would it make them stop and think?  Like really, truly soul searching contemplation.

I mean, I am one of those people who went back to my Gods.  The Greek pantheon who have lived on in "myths", but one could call the books of the Bible the exact same shit.  It's all allegory.

None of it is meant to be taken literally.

So how do these otherwise educated African immigrants start spewing this bullshit in the grimy tunnels of the New York City subway system?  Why come and save our souls?  Doesn't Christianity teach you to save those who are less fortunate?  Many peoples on the continent are on the brink of starvation.  Why preach to rich, obese Americans?  The poor New Yorkers who ride the subway aren't going to suddenly convert and save your kids!  It's our kids that need food, and Nike sneakers and the new thousand dollar iPad.

What makes them believe so fiercely in some dead Jewish man?  They spent years studying mathematics and literature and countless other topics, yet their minds seem so closed when all that knowledge should have expanded their thinking.

One day, there could be a man telling you that you're wrong.  That the God you worship snuck into your life forcefully, and that you as a depressed, downtrodden, neglected American need to meet the real Gods of your ancestors.  They have been forgotten for too long, and look what it got you?  Misery!  The cultures of the past were rich, thriving and learned. They all had one thing in common, their collapse after the white man came in preaching his "Savior".

His Jesus of Nazareth.  This Christ who had been resurrected.

Alithos Anesti!

Praise sent out in my mother tongue, an ancient language left mostly unaltered for thousands of years.

What is your vernacular?

Would you stand in a crowded hub and preach your true Gods?

Blessed Be!

๐ŸŒ›๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒœ


Saturday, June 17, 2017

Wicca and People Who Are Going Through Puberty



Damn straight I'm writing this post.

I was a teenage Wiccan once.  Back when I was 13 as I've stated countless times before.  Back when the internet was just a suckling babe yet to be tainted by morons and crazies.  Yes there was porn, as viewing naked people is important for human satisfaction; pleasure predates time.

Back then, when we wanted to learn something, we went to the library and if the library didn't have what we wanted and we had a bit of cash, then we went to Barnes and Noble and purchased the title we wished to read.

We didn't go online asking complete strangers if they thought we were vampires or lycanthropes (that's wolf man in Greek people), because we knew what really went down in Wicca from the books we read.  Works composed by the very founders of our Neo Pagan religion.

Here's the thing kids: hormones fuck your body up.  You're emotional and feel out of place and awkward and are searching for some way to stand out from the pack of germ breeders.  You do not need to drink blood to survive, you don't feel something emerging during the full moon (girls, I may have to address this for you specifically later).  It's all estrogen and testosterone messing with other chemicals in your brain.  You're not thinking rationally.

Some of you may be rational and self actualized, and well that is bittersweet.  Because those of my friends and myself who were not thinking ourselves to be elves or wizards, had gone through some type of trauma in our lives. Thus, forcing our developing brains to mature and come to terms with reality prematurely.  So consider yourself lucky that you're going about this teenage business without having been shot at or dealing with a terrible illness.  Congratulations, if you really want to be a fairy at 13 then you're normal.

However, these beliefs do not excuse you from not doing research.  Erasing years of a previous religion is work!  But don't be lazy, please.  The internet is filled with idiots and then there are the 41 year old creepers who will say "oh you too, wow, I've been searching for so long for another (insert mythical being here), we have to chat!"

My children have been raised Wiccan and only know a bit about Greek Orthodoxy which I grew up on.  I still have to teach my son who is getting to be that age, to READ published books on the subject and not just pop into a chat room to ask any old schmuck religious questions.

My son doesn't believe he's a vampire or werewolf or merman and thank the Gods, he hasn't found some moron discussing breathaireanism (this is a thing, do not do it, it's medically impossible and I trust medicine because my ancestors who worshiped Zues also wrote the Hippocratic oath).

I can not stress this enough children.  Pick up a book.  I know your parents were idiots and gave you iPads instead of books, but please listen to this Mother Witch.  Read the classics.  Research the founders.  Hell, read up on what happens to the human brain during puberty so you have a better understanding of how you're thinking.

Wicca is a religion, we worship a God and Goddess or entire Pantheon.  Some of us practice witchcraft which is a practice steeped in thousands of years of human ritual.  These rituals gave our ancestors meaning and helped them commune with the divine, it helped them understand the seasons and the natural world around them.

I can put fairy wings on my daughter for a ritual, but she will know that her DNA is human and not that of the Fae.  My son can say that he likes his pointy vampire teeth but he knows that trying to drink blood can lead to HIV or hepatitis.

The world is a scary place sometimes but you don't need to be reckless.

Stay away from people who say they will teach you.  They can't unless you're 18.  This is law.

Stay away from people who say they are part (insert supernatural entity here).  They're not.  They're lying or if they truly believe that then there is something wrong with them psychologically.

Don't solicit yourself online.  Don't tell people your age, don't ask for teachers, don't ask to join covens or circles or other groups.  And certainly don't tell people where you live and give out your real name and number.  Do not use hangouts, because instead of a nice chat you're more than likely going to see a dick hanging out instead.

I enjoy giving advice but I don't deal in false hope.  Another common question I've seen on the communities lately is a spell for changing ones gender.  This is such a complex issue.  First off, no there isn't one.  Gender is who you are mentally, spiritually, psychologically.  This is NOT the same as sex.  Humans can have male external genitalia and know deep down inside them that they are a woman and enjoy those things which are typical of womanhood.  Spells can not change these things.  If you are dealing with these issues, then I want you to know it's OK.  The Gods don't care about any of that, but there are hotlines you can text and call and organizations that can help you.

So, now that we have a clear understanding that the alleged beast within is not forthcoming, I want you all to fucking meditate on this shit, like dead ass for realz yo.

Blessed Be, peace out, toodle-oo and because it's pride month: bye bye mein lieber herr! ๐Ÿ˜‰

๐ŸŒ›๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒœ


Monday, June 5, 2017

#ShelterLife

The New Yorker recently published an article about #vanlife and the phenomenon of heavily curated lifestyles as depicted on social media. Naturally, I found it intriguing (not just because my mother always accused me of being a hippie) and posted a comment basically saying that I too would receive many likes and comments if I showed some side boob of myself in line at the food pantry.  

It really got me thinking, could I conceivably make my and Shadow's life look perfectly peaceful, beautiful and fulfilling even though we're in the system?

I believe the answer to be yes.

First of all, the couple in the article admitted that it takes many shots to get the perfect pic and that the ones which receive the most attention on their accounts feature a semi clad girlfriend basking in the sun on some pristine California beach.

Second, it's just a snippet of their life, they're not going to discuss the tire changes, insurance issues or the crime against the American road trip that are gas prices.  You as the viewer only see the lovely, the rainbow at the end of the storm, hell, the storm itself can be shot to be a beautiful thing lending much needed water to drought stricken Cali.

There is a formula to these things.

If I had a professional camera, or even an iPhone like I used to, I could get some very nice shots.  You know, totally glamorize seeing the social worker, or using my WIC checks to purchase Greek Yogurt and brown rice.  No one would ever see me struggling to do my day to day tasks as I suffer with very severe psoriatic arthritis, unless of course I gave a thumbs up and captioned it, "doing better today, I thank God everyday that He is watching over me and keeping me going."

See what I did there?

People eat that shit up.  And I don't know why.  Today on Fox 5, they ran a short bit about how Facebook and social media is making people depressed.

Well no shit it is, everyone posts their perfect lives, their beautiful kids who never have temper tantrums and their McMansion house that is always clean and well organized.  They're putting more energy into looking perfect than they are actually living.  But because no one is complaining about their broken dishwasher or their husband who favors his daughter over his gay son, the general viewing public only sees happy healthy families with good Christian values.

How would they view a Neo-Pagan family with two disabled parents and their adorable son and daughter.  I mean, just look at how fucking adorable my daughter is:



She's so happy in her new dress that I hand knit for her despite the painful arthritis in my hands.  I'm so thankful to God for the green grass and trees and the roof we have over our heads.

It just eats at your heart strings don't it?

The point I'm trying to make is that it's all bullshit.  Yes, you can work hard for a good life, or be lucky and be given one, but for the most part there are ups and downs, sickness and turmoil, all that shit some of you vowed during your weddings, life is not a piece of organic vanilla bean buttercream frosted cake!

However... and this is the evil, sinister Spiral speaking here, you can make other people's lives miserable by making your own seem perfect.

Let's go back to my WIC checks.  There are many middle class families that can't afford to buy their kids Chobani yogurt when Dannon or Yoplait is on sale 10 for 10 at Stop and Shop.  If I posted a "WIC Haul" on a given platform, it could potentially make people angry that their tax dollars are going to feed my daughter expensive yogurt while I sit on my ass and allegedly recover from a terrible inflammatory illness.  Others may comment things like, "thank God you and your family have a place to live", or "I'm wishing you so much good health as you fight this painful disease".

It seems to me, that there is no in-between.  There is no, "here is my mediocre life, it's just like yours but you refuse to see it."

Some people are sadists and thrive on other people's misery.  Is that the key to creating one's brand?  Being just enough of a sociopath to say, "oh man this is totally going to rip them a new one when they see my girl's new ride" or the free swag we got as endorsements or whatever the kids are saying and getting these days.

As a social experiment I would love to just sit back and see what happens. Create the hashtag #shelterlife and watch the chaos unfold.

Would this give me more or less credit as a Wiccan mom, would it elevate me to some wonderful social media deity status?

Who knows.

It would just be interesting to see, purely because it's absolutely ridiculous.  No one should be glamorizing life in an NYC shelter.

But, I could.


Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Week 3 of Free Books

Saturday was once again a day to spend with our wonderful little boy Dino.  We took him to story time again, which is mostly for Ana, but he likes sitting next to her too.

This is the book we got:

This was always a winter favorite for my students in preschool.

After story time, we stayed up in the overlook to play games, they have Scrabble, mancala, Uno, checkers, chess, and connect 4.  Scrabble is Shadow's absolute favotire, and he always asks why we don't have it.  I find it boring, plus, while I possess a rich and colorful vocabulary, spelling isn't exactly my strong suit.


Our dearest Dino is still a little saddened that he can't get his free skate yet.  He needs to do an activity at the library too.  Then I'll have Sasa meet us and she can get on the ice with him since we also get a free adult skate too.

I didn't get to take out a new book this week, but I have a growing list of titles I want to read.  We had to get to Newark to Ninkie's birthday party.  It was a nice little gathering, Ana got to wear her new pinafore, but I still haven't been able to take a decent picture of her in it.  I couldn't even get a good pic of Athena in her birthday dress.


That's Tristan in the background, who loves Dino and calls him his brother.  That's his grandmother on the couch, my sister's mother in law.  They're from Queens too, so we get along great.  They're hoping to move back soon, which would be awesome so the kids can see each other more.  I kinda also wish Sasa was still in Brooklyn, Dino loved walking across the bridge to visit her at Pratt.

The only other thing I've been working on this week besides doctors appointments and social services meetings is a knitted bag.  I have the first piece done, so I just need to make an identicle piece, sew it and line it with fabric that I already purchased.  It's way smaller than anticipated so I'm just going to use it as a stroller bag to pop in some wipes and a couple of diapers for quick outings.  Ana has been going to the potty more and more so hopefully by her 2nd birthday she'll be completely trained.

This is the finished front:

I've already cast on for the back.  After this, I guess I'll choose the yarn for Dino's birthday present.  He said he wanted a scarf like mine or fingerless mitts.  I think he'll like the mitts better since they're more ninja/assassin/bad ass dude-ish.

Tomorrow is Imbolc and we're going to try and take Ana to toddler story time.  I say try because aparently their is a line for it each week, and not everyone gets to go into the session.

Then, it's back home to make chick pea stew.  Soaked sprouted beans are an excellent dish for Imbolc.  I'll have to remember to take pictures to write about it tomorrow.

Ciao!
๐ŸŒ›๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒœ






Wednesday, January 25, 2017

This Week's Reads

Man, I hope the grammar in that title is correct...

I neglected to write about this week's reading adventure.  We have 6 more weeks of story time at Bryant park.  This was the book we received on the 21st:

Ana sat for the entire thing, which is was awesome.  I think it's because the cover reminded her of Dino and his little blue chair.  I think he'll get a real kick our of it when he sees it.  Unfortunately we weren't able to pick him up this weekend due to the birth of his other baby sister.  Poor kid, surrounded by little girls, all with 'A' names too.  Actually, a really bizarre anecdote from several years ago, long before I became pregnant with Ana.  Dino's father told me that he and his wife would like to use the name Anastasia if they ever had a girl.  I had that name, specifically Anastasia Selene picked out from when I was about 16 for my kids!  Granted I think this was about the time that Fifty Shades of Gray was popular, so many baby girls were being named Anastasia.  I still to this day don't know how to feel about him saying that to me.  Weirded out?  I don't know.  Anastasia is a Greek name and I have an aunt that goes by Thea Tasia.  Anyway, I didn't plan to write about this specifically, but it's one of those memories that just sticks with you.

Ugh... memories.

This is the book I chose this week, which is so far very interesting.  I love historical fiction.


I have yet to finish it.  But, I have a list of titles I want to check out next.  Including a book on Traditional British Witchcraft, which I've been meaning to read about for some time.

Our Saturday at the library and story time was lovely.  We ate soup and a sandwich from Pret a Manger in the park and Ana laughed as tourists, who don't know they shouldn't feed the pigeons, were attacked by said pigeons after feeding them some French fries.

The weather was beautiful which was especially good for all the protestors out and about marching near us.  I wish I had taken pictures, the signs were so creative and many were beyond hilarious.  There were tons of kids there and I realized too late that I could have made some money months ago by knitting pink pussy hats.  Even men were wearing them.  There was an alleged pink yarn shortage reported throughout the fiber art community.  Oh well, I wouldn't have been able to make them quickly enough anyway with my fingers becoming stiffer as the Stellar fades.

Oh, and for those keeping track, just me I suppose, no Shadow did not finish reading his book on Obama and I returned it.  He said he read some but when I inquired as to what it was about he was unable to tell me.  Well my dear, next time stay away from political books.  

To be fair, the books that Shadow is truly interested in cannot be taken out.  They are research only in the main branch.  Many of the books I have wanted to look up, including books on witchcraft and Greek orthodoxy, are research titles only as well.

Yesterday, after collaborating on the blog post, he suggested we write a book.  Many people have suggested I write a book.  I have in fact written books, they're just not published.  Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm not good enough, or that some of my work is too dark.  I've been banned from websites for posting stories containing rape. 

A book on witchcraft would of course, be different.  Most books are geared towards the solitary, there aren't many dealing with couples magick, and sex magick is mostly centered on "The Great Rite", which leaves out non heterosexual couples.  The release of power with an orgasm is possibly the main focal point, but how you get there, the build up of sexual energy is up to you regardless of which body parts you possess.

That is definitely something I would write about in a book as so many LGBT people come to Wicca because we don't have a Bible saying that where you stick your dick is a sin.

Anyway, it's an idea to contemplate.  Certainly I won't be able to truly devote my energy to it until my health is under control.  Writing a blog is one thing, but composing a meaningful work that you can be proud of is a whole other story, hence why I haven't written or posted any short stories and my novel "The Priest" is on hiatus.

For right now, I think I'm fine with relaying my day to day activities, you know for all those people who Google me that I no longer talk to (even my ex, has admitted to looking those people up and Lord knows he's probably read this blog).  I mean really, the jokes on them, I'm homeless, have another baby out of wedlock, can't work because my autoimmune disease is running rampant and I do old lady things.  Furthermore, only one was allegedly pagan, and according to my sister, he had stalked me in real life!  Therefore, for all you Christians, you're commuting a sin by reading about the life of a witch. 

But really, I'm fine. ๐Ÿ˜

Blessed Be
)) O ((


Tuesday, January 24, 2017

For Those Just Starting Their Path



I've been studying Wicca and Witchcraft since I was 13 years old.  Even as a teenager, I received emails or messages, asking how to start out, what to read, what to buy, I need spells, help me, teach me!

When you've trotted down this path as long as I have, you know that you're in a constant state of learning, but early on, you quickly find what works for you and what doesn't.  I have been doing picture magick for as long as I can remember, I also used to "read" my cereal as a child.  I still do these, because they work, period.

I'm one of those new age hippies who believes that magick is innate in everyone, it's just a matter of what form you chose to use it in.  Christian prayer is a form of magick, the many rituals of Judiasm are magick, we just don't call it that.

When a witch does a spell, it can be likened to a prayer.  I'll use Greek Othodoxy as an example, since I grew up Eastern Orthodox, and many of the prayers and rituals and items we use can be traced back to ancient times.  If I go to church, and my knee hurts, I will leave an amulet of a knee at the altar.  That is the part of my body I want to heal, so a metal knee amulet is the representation of my intent.  In the church, it's simply a healing prayer, incense and candles are still used, and words are spoken about my painful knee.  The same things translate to witchcraft, I have an amulet, in my case, a drawing of my knee, a candle, incense and I will ask Asclepius instead of Jesus or His father to help heal my knee.

See?

It's the same damn shit, just different named Gods.

Shadow and I like to say that all paths lead to God, She or He just has many faces.

You don't even need to be religious to cast spells.  Don't confuse the two.  I'm not religious in the least, but I do quite a lot of spell work.  I am a Wiccan Witch, but not all Witches are Wiccan.  Shadow is not Wiccan and simply says he is "of the old religion".  Witchcraft, is just as it sounds, a craft, one must practice it, hone your skills.  I can tell you what works for me and Shadow, but it might not work for you.  Teenagers, especially don't like to hear this.  They want spells and they want them fast, the impatient twats!

So, then, do your spell.

But wait, you don't have any supplies, no herbs, no incense, can't burn your moms expensive Yankee candles, cause she might kill you, you can't order an athame cause you're a minor, blah, blah blah.  You don't need any of that.  And yes, this is coming from a person who as the other half of a couple owns a very extensive altar set up.

It's all smoke and mirrors (sometimes literally).

Right now, my stuff is packed up sitting in a basement in stinky old Jersey, and I am still doing magick, I don't need any of it, because as I said, it's innate in me.

I can simply use my mind to manifest what I want.  If I want my knee to stop beating the crap out of me, then I think to my knee, stop it, I need to walk, and imagine it engulfed in blue healing energy, while the nasty inflammation drips out as a black sludge back into the earth to be filtered.  (It also helps to have a man with large strong hands to massage it, but don't go out searching for manly witch yet.)

See?

I didn't need to go to church or my altar, I didn't even need to light a candle or speak any words out loud.  No one ever needs to know that you have just done a spell.  I can go right now and take the E train and in my mind's eye, perform an entire ritual to make apartment hunting easier for myself and Shadow.  I promise you, with practice, it'll become second nature.

Now, for all you seekers out there, looking to find out the truth, and want all the "secrets and ancient knowledge", I give you this, go to the library, or online if your prefer, and READ.  I've been studying my craft since 1998.  I'm always reading, whether it's a printed book or perhaps someone else's blog. Just take in the information.  Here are some of my favorite resourses:

This is one of my all time favorite websites for study: www.sacred-texts.com
If you're looking for pagans in your area: The Witches' Voice
Shadow recommends: Crystal Links

Here are some books to start you off with:
Raymond Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft
Wicca: A guide for the solitary practioner by Scott Cunnigham
The Witches Bible by Janet and Stewart Farrar
The Spiral Dance by Starhawk
Drawing Down The Moon by Margot Adler

Hell, take the time to read Silver Raven Wolf as well.  I'm not going into the controversy about her, but either you love her or hate her.

Look up Gerald Gardner, THE grandfather of modern Wicca.

Or, better yet, I highly recommend this video on YouTube, a documentary by an actual professor who is British, so you know he knows his shit:



Go forth and be the witch you've always wanted to be.

Blessed Be!

)) O ((

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Having Fun Isn't Hard, When You Got A Library Card

These words of course, are the very wise lyrics to Arthur the aardvark's beloved library song.


This is one of the most important cards you can carry in your wallet as a low income resident of NYC, I just got mine last Saturday, and I am very pleased. There are tons of programs, online material, events, and most importantly: books that are available to me.  It's invaluable, but you have to take advantage of it!  It's all free!  They even have a toddler class for my daughter, which is pretty sweet, especially in a city where toddler classes can easily run into the thousands.

I checked out one book.  I haven't read a book since the summer of 2014 before I became pregnant.  I suffer from terrible pregnancy brain.  It happened with Dino and again with Ana, and it lasts well past the year they're born, when I am still nursing, and thus hormones continue to mess with my concentration.  I can follow a knitting pattern no problem, but ask me to read a book and I found that I was reading the same sentence over and over and was unable to retain the information that I read, even if it was my beloved Shelock Holmes.

This is the book I took out, and have finished reading.  I really enjoyed it.  It was an excellent departure from reading "literature", where there is more that meets the eye and professors want you to discuss it.  I, being the voracious reader that I am, was the only one who was able to finish reading any of the books as I had a very long commute to and from the Village.




That is a baby foot.  

I have a fondness for Murder, She Wrote.  I drink tea and knit while watching it.  I'm quite the old lady.  I once saw an interview where Rupaul admitted to watching as well before he turned in for the night. I saw him driving in SoHo, with the most fashionable of hats on in a vintage car.  That is the epitome of true class, being proud of who you are, and indulging in simple mystery tv shows.

This is the book that Shadow took out:


I don't pretend to understand politics.  I read the inside of the jacket, and I wasn't going to try to re read it to even attempt to comprehend what the premise is.  Shadow, has yet to start reading it.  I'm not even going there...

Just outside the library in Bryant Park, we came across a free program that will allow kids to skate for free after they attend all the story times each Saturday for 8 weeks.  Dino already has two stamps.  We also received a free book.  A nice hardcover picture book too!  It's all sponsored by Penguin and Random House and all totally free.


Finally, I leave with you a picture of my two beautiful children at story time, who enjoy reading and books as much as their dear mother does.  We will continue to go to story time, and the library together and see what other free programs are available to my darling little monkeys.








Friday, January 13, 2017

Resolutions for Knitting

In coming to the shelter, I have naturally had to pair down my possessions to only the most basic of daily items.  So along with toothpaste and organic coconut oil (seriously I need to write just about that, but it'll get x rated), my daily necessities include knitting implements.

I've been knitting since I was 5.  I was a precocious child, or more specifically, my mother needed to shut me up.  For 20 or more years I've been collecting various knitting accoutrements.  I have vintage or perhaps antique needles given to me by my son's grandmother on his father's side (is that the best way to say that?), as well as bamboo, aluminum, laminated birch, plastic, interchangeable, straights, double pointed, and just soooo much stuff that goes with all of that.

Obviously, I could not bring all of that with me, and the reality is, a knitter (some of whom would perhaps stab me for writing this) does not need all that stuff.  I've managed to create a small pouch of basic items that will not only get me through international security and TSA, but fulfill all my knitting needs.



 What you are looking at is, a basic set of Denise interchangeables, scissors and crochet hook from a broken The Knit Kit, a few locking stitch markers, and a tape measure from Lion Brand, which I have an abundance of that I've never had to pay for.  

That's it.

As for yarn, I've had to downgrade my "stash" as well.  Basically, I no longer have one.  First of all, I had to throw out the few balls I had left.  They were wool, and they had been eaten by carpet beetles while living at my parents house (apparently the damn things eat wood too, there weren't any carpets there).  Second, and this is where the resolution part comes in, I'm no longer going to buy yarn just to add to a stash.




I wrote a comment addressing this on the Lion Brand blog, and I've mulled over it even more.  I'm going to choose my projects with a bit more care, and buy the yarn specifically and only for that project, cast on and finish, then, not buy more yarn until I have finished the previous project.  I've been doing this since November, and it works very well.  

I use the needles and immplements that I have and don't need more.  Not needing that huge box of things is very freeing, no extra anything, and it's pretty cool.  

I'm not missing out on anything, I just finished a sweater, from a vintage pattern nonetheless.




All those things aren't necessary. 

Now, the only yarn I have on hand are 5 balls of Paton's Glam Stripes, that I managed to snatch up at the Dollar Tree.  I'm making my daughter a pinafore as they were all the rage in the Beatrix Potter books worn by cats and Jemima Puddle Duck.

So, can I still to my resolution?  I have been thus far, and will continue to do so.

This experience of living at the shelter is such a great time to learn how to live with less. Much less, and more importantly, learn to appreciate the things I have and not take them for granted.  The one thing I learned by living in Greece was that Americans simply have too much stuff, and look at us, we're unhealthy, over weight, and all we seem to care about is that golden American Dream that seems to more often lead to heart attack and stroke than it does to a beautiful house and nice car.  

I'm not giving into it anymore.  I've already thrown out more than half my possessions, and once we get permanent housing, I plan on throwing out even more, because I don't need it.  I'm going to sit down with Shadow and perfectly curate a collection of personal belongings that is not only meaniful, but useful in our day to day existence.

With that said, I'm going to enjoy a cup of green jasmine tea and continue my knitting.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Creating Sacred Space, When You Have No Space

In our old apartment we had a small entry hallway where we placed our altar table.  All of our religious items and a good quantity of our crystal collection was arranged on this sideboard from IKEA.  A picture of it appears at the top of this blog.  We loved it, and it was the center of our daily practice as well as more advanced magical workings.  Now that we are confined to such a small space that is temporary, we can't set up anything so elaborate.  We can, however place a few important items around our space to make it feel more like home.


This is a wire wrapped pendant with black tourmaline and selenite.  It was above our door before, and we brought it to hang above our doorway here.  Selenite has protected us from buglers.  My old apartment where I used to live with my sister was the only one out of six that had not been robbed.  There, I kept selenite on all the windowsills and the door.  Where I and Shadow lived, we also had never been broken into.  So selenite on your door is a must in our book.  This particular piece was
wrapped and blessed by Angel who sells healing crystals in Union Square.  We love choosing our
crystals from him as his prices are excellent and he practices Santaria, so he's very much on our same wave length.

Another item that I have been using for years is The Witches Calendar:




As you can see, we keep our very "muggle" appointments written down, but it also gives us a lovely witchy visual to look at each month, as well as dates of moon phases and other important witchy info.

My next little item is a little paper pendant passed out by one those Tibetan monks strolling through Manhattan these days.  Yes, I know they're not real monks.  They are the equivalent of the Times Square Elmo.  Most are simple Asian men asking for donations as they try and aggressively slip you a pendant or bracelet.  (I have miraculously been given both.). Still, I display it, because it depicts the Buddha, and one needs tranquility in a shelter.






What I wish we did have was a mini altar.  I was going to make one before we packed, and place it in the diaper bag to keep where ever we wound up.  I have all the components to put one together.  But these will do for now.  We know that we're protected physically and spiritually, and we can also be mindful to not let "shelter life" drag us down, as many couples experience a sort of breaking point when faced with such uncertaint and helplessness.

So, if you have limited space, or are in a dorm, or roommate situation, try and think of which pieces from you collection mean the most to you and display those, or if you have more time then I did, create a travel altar with tiny items you feel connected too.  It can fit in an old Altoids tin.  For ours, I would have included, a small coin sized Goddess pendant, a small quartz point to be used as a want, a small silver pentacl charm, and a tea light candle.  Simple and basic, nothing more.

Blessed be!

~)) O ((~









Saturday, January 7, 2017

The Place We Fell In Love




We took our lovely Dino boy to The Met today, and I mentioned that it was there, in one of the Egyptian wings, that Shadow and I fell in love.  I don't think I've written about it before, so here it is:

We were friends you see, and he had asked me, as a born and bred New Yorker to show him around town as a recent transplant from San Fransisco.  Our common interest was our religion, so as Wiccan's it was only natural to make it a day at The Met.

I never intended to fall in love again.  I didn't want to, and was in no way, shape or form open to it.  Yet, it happened nonetheless.  It was sudden too.  Shadow was pointing out a particular artifact (I don't even remember which one), and I remember feeling this overwhelming energy and the desire to kiss that man right then and there.  Well, about a week later, when we were hanging out again, he told me that he didn't want to alarm me, but had suddenly felt the need to kiss me at the museum.  I promptly said "shut the fuck up!", and removed my journal from my bag, turned back a few pages and showed him the entry from that day.  So, we kissed.

The rest is obviously history, and perhaps some time, I'll write about the African fertility statue that we both touched shortly before conceiving our little girl.

~)) O ((~

So... we had fun at the museum, as a family.  Dino loves the armor and swords, and even wanted to look at the furniture.  Ana followed her brother around, looking up at him, hardly believing he was there as he showed her the different things to see.

The weather was terrible today, and Dino wanted to play out in the snow.  While we sat down to coffee and snacks in the cafe, he watched and children sled down the hill in Central Park.  It sucks that he can't be here with us, I could have taken him to play in the park down the street, but we have what fun we can with the little time we have.

I'm happy that they both seemed to have a good time, it's been a long time since we were at The Met, Dino usually requests dinosaurs instead of mummies.

))O((

In other news, I have been sent back to Wellness, no special job program for me until I get better.  A supervisor saw that I had an outbreak of psoriasis on my face, said "you didn't have that last week" and thus, back to medical I went.  Now, I saw a new doctor, who advised that I see a homeopath




ASAP, and sent me directly across the street to imaging for a bone density scan.

I'm an old lady and it's not fun.

Initially they told me, that I'd be a great candidate for one of those nice cushy city jobs or perhaps even a call center, maybe for dispatch, 911, or 311. That would be cool.  Something different.

But no.  Stelara doesn't work the 3 months it should, so now I have to find a new rheumatologist. And an eye doctor before the medication I'm on destroys my vision.  Great.






I feel as if I'm in a catch 22, on the one hand, I suffer in pain and work my ass off full time so I can afford a homeopath and on the other I get better with conventional (and starting to become dangerous) medications and go back to working part time only so that I don't get worse and stay relatively stress free.  I don't know what to do.

Before my wonderful little boy came, I got better with the help of an acupuncturist, and I was in great health for years.  After Ana however, all hell broke loose.  After speaking with so many doctors in various fields, a few have said the same thing, that after working full time, and going to two different schools, then pregnancy, I finally experienced burn out.  Every psoriasis website I have ever gone to says that psoriasis patients need to take it easy, that too much stress can make us sick.


I was feeling great during that year.  It was my first full time job, I was biking and walking everywhere, I loved my classes at NYU and got a 3.8 GPA and scholarships, and I felt it was all easy. My job was easy, too easy really, school was a breeze as well.  The class at Rutgers for work was an out right joke, but I'll save that for another day.

After all that, it was too much.

I think I have now realized that, my body just can't handle it.  I should have just stuck to working part time, then perhaps, I could have maintained my previous healthy baseline.

I need to get back to that, I'm tired of medication, injections, and still feeling like I've been run over my a steam roller.  I'm exhausted for no damn reason and it's not fair.

I'm going to make my appointments on Monday, and hope things can go well from now on.  I'm home now, and I'm happy, but I want to be in good health for myself and my children so I can enjoy my home city to its fullest.

Ciao!

Monday, January 2, 2017

She Stole Her Dolly!

Ana's dolly was kidnapped by a child down the hall named Jaylie.  We thought she was a nice little immigrant child who spoke broken English.  Apparently, we were dead wrong.  Jaylie has stolen before, dolls, toys and money.  One parent who happens to be in a wheel chair even tricked her to see if she would steal four quarters off his bed, and sure enough she did.

Ana loved her dolly.  Grandma ordered it for her from www.novanatural.com, an excellent website feature Waldorf dolls and toys.

We were told by three separate girls that they saw the doll in Jaylie's room covered in purple marker.  Poor dolly.  Who would treat a doll with such cruelty?

I get it, she's five, she might not know any better, or more likely, she is neglected and does it as a way to placate herself.  Her mother leaves her out of the room, for hours at a time and she wanders around the halls knocking on doors looking for someone to play with.  Her mother might also be grooming her to steal.  Unfortunately, it is very common.  Mothers send their children to a room to play and ask the kids what's in the room, what do they have and other questions, this way next time time go, they tell them specific items to steal or wait till the families are gone and break in.  Shadow happens to think that her mother may be on drugs, but some hardcore stuff, like heroin.  She's always asleep and always in pajamas.  We never see her unless it's to come out and yell at Jaylie to come back in.

I tried to ask Jaylie to bring the doll back, that Ana misses her doll, and that I wasn't mad at her for taking it, but that if she's a good little girl, like I know she is, she will give Ana her doll back.

She started whining in even more broken English (a sign of the true groomed child) that she didn't have it.  She made up some cockamamie story about a black boy that took it.  Great, not only are you lying, you're a racist too.

Even if I do manage to get the doll back, I fear that it may be ruined.  Especially now that she knows we're on to her.

I've been looking at other dolls to buy Ana.  I think I may go for a Corolle doll.  They make ones that she could bring into the bath tub.  Now, we don't let Ana out with her good toys.  She can push her stroller, but she brings the cheap baby doll that was given to her by Toys for Tots.

Alas.  I just want to avoid conflict, some of these people are like inbred pit bulls.  Their brains don't function when you tell them their kids did something wrong.

Oh well.